And the Vial Made Three

It has been confirmed by a gajillion home pregnancy tests (I have a pee on a stick problem) and bloodwork!

Also Pictured: My morning hair

Us, the results and the vial.

More details after we cool our shit.

And now a series of celebratory gifs entitled "Y'all Have No Idea How Long I've Been Building This Arsenal of Gems":

XOXO,

K + M

This TWW Update Brought to You By Ellen & the 2014 Oscars

Hey team.  So we left off at our latest attempt in OBM (Operation Baby Makin') by way of ovulation monitoring including several ultrasounds to measure follicles and blood work to measure LH (Luteinizing Hormone) and Progesterone.  We got the thumbs up on Thursday the 20th that I had a baller follicle and my Be-uterine lining was also stellar.  Then Meg shot me in the stomach... with a needle of HCG to help induce ovulation within 36 hours and on Saturday the 22nd we inseminated!

The past two weeks have been as rough as any TWW we've experienced.  I spent the first 7 days telling myself every second that I need to remember that I took a shot that injected me with a pregnancy hormone and that "those feelings" aren't real.  And then obsessively Google how long it takes to get that mess out of your system so you can cave to the early testing we inevitably cave to.  I chose to think as positively as possible this cycle.  We did EVERYTHING we could possibly do other than IVF to make this cycle as optimal as possible so I chose to think that we ARE going to be pregnant.  Well, that is until one day during the cycle- maybe

hormones, maybe I was hangry- when the thought weaseled into my mind, "You might not be- again." And then a negative pregnancy test image popped into my head.  That was my version of saying "that Scottish play" in a theater.  It took me days to come out of that funk.  But, again, I'm forcing myself to think positively.  Reminding myself we did everything possible to make this happen and, also, that timing things just right to make a baby is harder than that Flappy Bird game.

I have also been communicating more with friends who are going through this/have been through this- thanks ladies, you're all gems.  I can't stress this enough- if you are choosing to go through this venture it is beyond necessary to have proper support.  Because you can't have booze.  Don't get me wrong, Meg is my rock.  But sometimes you need to discuss irrational feelings with another person who has been through this Rock n' Roller Coaster Starring Aerosmith-like journey.  Or when you need to talk about bodily functions that would only chip away at the incredibly sexy image of myself I have

Potential Baby Name?

meticulously crafted in Meg's mind <sarcasm>.  And sometimes you let your crazy emotions join forces with your positive vibes and start talking about things that you would normally say fall into the "jinx bucket" of conversations, like potential baby names.  But with your Soul Cysters (I can take no credit for that one- thanks internet) it's totally kosher.  But really.  Find your outlets.

So now we wait until Friday morning for blood work.  So pray to whatever deity you believe in that we get good news.

Goin' For the Gold, or, HcG Trigger Shots in My Rear

Well team, this cycle is starting a lot better than the past two have.  I am now becoming a firm believer in the "White Pants" theory.  Only women will understand this... For all the rest of you, here's some

education: as a female, you could guarantee a visit from your Aunt Flo by doing any of the following: planning a beach vacation, going on a date, or wearing white pants. We got our BFN on Friday the 31st and then I was still almost a week late.  Last time I went over a month without a new cycle, whichever they attributed to a cyst formed by the Clomid, and the day they told me to call if nothing had started, I called.... then bam.  She hit. This cycle I was running late again. And to my shock, to the same level of every member of the press who first saw their rooms in Sochi ( #olympics), it arrived.

For this next cycle we decided that we wanted to be a little more aggressive.  We will continue on 50mg of Clomid (starting tonight) which I had called in to a CVS while I'm visiting family in Virginia-side note: when I went to pick up the prescription at a CVS in rural Virginia I had "Di," the lesbian of all lesbians for a checkout woman. I wanted to have a secret signal that said, "My sista!", but this was the south and there's a good chance that she's actually straight. The line between butch lesbian and short haired badass southern chick is paper thin. 

We are also going to do fertility monitoring starting on day 12 of my cycle. I will go in every 2 days for an ultrasound where they will monitor the growth of my ovarian follicles.  And now I'm gonna drop a little education bomb. Typically, when a woman ovulates without fertility mess, a single follicle will raise up off the ovary.  The follicle should grow 18-24mm before it will rupture and pop out an egg.  With my having PCOS, I'm never guaranteed ovulation and last cycle the Clomid messed with the OPK test results and I question if I ovulated at all.  That experience had me more stressed out than a stage manager from "Spider-Man: The Musical".  They will also be taking

blood every other day to check estrogen levels- if my arm looks like I'm a character from "Rent" start singing 'Seasons of Love' to me and that will be our "secret handshake".

Ultrasound evaluation of follicles is even more important when fertility drugs are administered, since it

What I imagine a follicle looks like

allows the physician to determine the number and ripeness of follicles so that ovulation can be further stimulated and triggered in a safe fashion.

Also, the ultrasound can determine the thickness of the endometrial lining. The lining of the uterus must achieve a certain minimum thickness in order for there to be a good expectation that implantation will take place.

Doesn't even apply- I just love this.

Legit copied that from an old encyclopedia from my parents house.  Thanks 1998. Half of this blog's purpose is to educate. The other half is to entertain through witty remarks and painstakingly selected gifs.

After the doc identifies that that a follicle is ready I'll inject a trigger shot.  The shot contains hCG which is the chemical that triggers an egg to release. My doctor has ordered the shot which the medicine and needles will be delivered to us at our house and we will have to inject on our own.  Don't worry kids... That sucker is gonna be a blog post all on its own.

And we have to deal with what we pay out of pocket and what is covered by insurance.

We have to time things just right so we get the sperm in at the right time as frozen, thawed sperm only live 24-72 hours.  Then timing the egg release just right so they are not too premature or too old- we need them to be "Mama Bear Just Right".

That fairy tale fertility analogy just blew my mind.

Being Strong the Night Before: This Post Endorsed By Michelle Obama's Arms

Hey team.  So tomorrow's the day we find out if second time's a charm.  I decided to do this post a little differently.  This time around I feel like I'm a pro (no, I'm not) and that I know everything that's coming around the bend (you're welcome for getting Pocahontas' "Just Around the River Bend" stuck in your head #disney).  None of that is true, but we are in semi-familiar territory.  This time I knew not to think every little cramp in my abdomen was a "thing".  This time around I had better things to do than to stare at the size of my chest in the mirror wondering if the girls were getting bigger- well, ok, so I did do that when I was housebound during the snow storm...  Some things that I did do: I allowed myself to think that it could happen, even daydreaming about future events I would attend as "pregnant Kate".  I spent a little bit of time looking at baby clothes and nursery ideas.  And I might have cried at a Ford commercial and then yelled at trashcan because clearly it caused the garbage bag to get stuck and rip, spilling the contents all over the ground. Yeah, I might have.

But I also remembered last time.  To be honest, we both, kind of, felt like it was going to happen for us on the first try.  That we would be that lesbian couple that broke the odds.  Then we would walk out of the reproductive clinic in our sensibly shoes under a saber arch held by the tallest members of the WNBA followed by a trail of adopted animals.  But it didn't happen that way.  And we dealt with that, and then dealt with the side affect of Clomid- creating a cyst that prolonged us trying again for another month.  Then a VERY confusing ovulation testing experience (most likely tied to Clomid) so I was left hoping that the results were right and not skewed from the meds.  And then another two week wait.  Whoever makes a woman wait 2 weeks with raging hormones for the potential of having a baby while also allowing us no booze is sadist.

We've also had a lot of support- it increases with each post.  The amount of people who have "come out" about their struggles to get pregnant and who were willing to share their story with us is astounding.   So bravo to you, ladies.

This time there were things I experienced that were very different than last time... things that seem like good signs. But I'm Irish and I believe in jinxing things so I've stopped myself from thinking about that too much.  I'm also a little pessimistic about my body as it has been a bitch to me my whole life so I don't give it a lot of credit.  So let's just do this.  If when I get that call tomorrow and they give me good news we can feel like this...

And if we get bad news again I'm allowed to feel like this...