I Never Knew Paranoia Until I Was 4 weeks Pregnant

Hey team.  So now that the glitter has settled on the floor... oh, I'm sorry... you haven't heard?

Meg's aunt knitted
this baby hat in a day y'all

First of all, thank you for all of your congratulations and well wishes! We're really touched. We know that pregnancies typically aren't announced until after 12+ weeks (the risk of loss reduces after the 1st trimester), but when we decided to start this blog we knew we would need to make this announcement early.  It's something we really gave a lot of thought to before even starting this blog. As we've said before, 50% of this blog is to keep friends and family up-to-date on our process, 50% to educate and 15% to peddle my humor.   I'm also bad at math.  Anyway, we feel like we're all in this together now! That being said, we are optimistically holding our breath until each update from our RE and soon our OBGYN.

So, with that said, let's go back to last week.  Tuesday was 10 DPIUI and that morning I caved and took a First Response Early Results pregnancy test. I looked at the test mentally telling myself, "You're not out of the game yet if it's negative... it's still early."  I picked it up and I saw the slightest line.  I ran around trying to look at it in different light and took 800 pictures altering it with different photo filters. #crazypants, but there was something there. Meg was already on her way to work, so I texted a picture to her and then it hit me... I took a 250mg HCG trigger shot 10 days previous.  What if this positive is really just reading the remainder of the HCG in my system.  Thus began a Google frenzy of epic proportions.  Even though the internet pretty solidly confirmed that all of the HCG from the shot was out of my system, I got so little sleep.  Can't drink and can't pop <sleeping> pills.  The things you do for love.

The next morning I got up and tested again- this time the line was little darker... it should get lighter if it was only the trigger shot leaving my system right?  Another day of obsessive Googling- trigger shot Hcg leaves your system with a half life of about 24 hours.  So technically it should have been out of my system after 7 days post trigger shot and we were at 13.  We had 2 more days to wait for blood work and you know what that means?  Yeah I gotta buy more pregnancy tests.  Don't worry Dad, I found coupons online.  Thursday I woke up at 1am and HAD to go to the bathroom.  I actually had to go a lot more lately and I didn't want to think that it was a good sign.  That same day I started to break out like I was back in middle school again- minus the track suit and mimicking my eye make-up after Barbra Streisand circa "Funny Girl".  Since I did get up and go to the bathroom in the middle of the night, I felt my FMU (firs morning's urine) wasn't "potent" enough and that may have caused the line that showed up to not be *much darker* than the day before.  HcG should double every 48 hours.  Friday we had a blood test, but you know I had to test at home before heading to the doctor (thanks for not thinking I'm crazy Meg or, at least, not saying it out loud). Friday morning we got solid two dark lines on one test and a positive digital test, too! 5 Excruciating hours later, the doctor confirmed that the blood test results were also positive.

So.  Our families are ELATED, but they're in the same cautiously optimistic boat we're in. So

prayers/good thoughts/theme related showtune mix tapes are welcome as we get through the next few crucial weeks. This morning I went back to the RE for follow-up blood tests to make sure my HCG levels are doubling as they should. More on that later.

Right now: I could sleep at any and every moment of the day.

I have so much make-up on my face covering my pregnancy related acne that it's become the consistency of spackle.

 And I want to eat all the time.

Our family surprised us with
our first baby gifts (that sonograph is somebody else's baby. 
Creepy, but also sweet.)

And the Vial Made Three

It has been confirmed by a gajillion home pregnancy tests (I have a pee on a stick problem) and bloodwork!

Also Pictured: My morning hair

Us, the results and the vial.

More details after we cool our shit.

And now a series of celebratory gifs entitled "Y'all Have No Idea How Long I've Been Building This Arsenal of Gems":

XOXO,

K + M

This TWW Update Brought to You By Ellen & the 2014 Oscars

Hey team.  So we left off at our latest attempt in OBM (Operation Baby Makin') by way of ovulation monitoring including several ultrasounds to measure follicles and blood work to measure LH (Luteinizing Hormone) and Progesterone.  We got the thumbs up on Thursday the 20th that I had a baller follicle and my Be-uterine lining was also stellar.  Then Meg shot me in the stomach... with a needle of HCG to help induce ovulation within 36 hours and on Saturday the 22nd we inseminated!

The past two weeks have been as rough as any TWW we've experienced.  I spent the first 7 days telling myself every second that I need to remember that I took a shot that injected me with a pregnancy hormone and that "those feelings" aren't real.  And then obsessively Google how long it takes to get that mess out of your system so you can cave to the early testing we inevitably cave to.  I chose to think as positively as possible this cycle.  We did EVERYTHING we could possibly do other than IVF to make this cycle as optimal as possible so I chose to think that we ARE going to be pregnant.  Well, that is until one day during the cycle- maybe

hormones, maybe I was hangry- when the thought weaseled into my mind, "You might not be- again." And then a negative pregnancy test image popped into my head.  That was my version of saying "that Scottish play" in a theater.  It took me days to come out of that funk.  But, again, I'm forcing myself to think positively.  Reminding myself we did everything possible to make this happen and, also, that timing things just right to make a baby is harder than that Flappy Bird game.

I have also been communicating more with friends who are going through this/have been through this- thanks ladies, you're all gems.  I can't stress this enough- if you are choosing to go through this venture it is beyond necessary to have proper support.  Because you can't have booze.  Don't get me wrong, Meg is my rock.  But sometimes you need to discuss irrational feelings with another person who has been through this Rock n' Roller Coaster Starring Aerosmith-like journey.  Or when you need to talk about bodily functions that would only chip away at the incredibly sexy image of myself I have

Potential Baby Name?

meticulously crafted in Meg's mind <sarcasm>.  And sometimes you let your crazy emotions join forces with your positive vibes and start talking about things that you would normally say fall into the "jinx bucket" of conversations, like potential baby names.  But with your Soul Cysters (I can take no credit for that one- thanks internet) it's totally kosher.  But really.  Find your outlets.

So now we wait until Friday morning for blood work.  So pray to whatever deity you believe in that we get good news.

First comes love...

(post by Meg, gifs by Kate)

Meg & Kate,
sitting in a tree,
K-I-S-S-I-N-G.
First comes love,
then comes marriage,
then comes a hormone
in a syringe (carriage).

Wait, that's not how it usually goes. Well folks, that's real life these days in our treehouse.

For those of you who know me (hi, this is Meg), you probably can't imagine my putting a needle into Kate's stomach. You probably can't even imagine my thinking about doing such a thing. (Shout out to Victoria- Remember the time I stapled my finger in the band hallway and literally could not even look at it? Yeah.) I'll admit, I wasn't looking forward to it, but when your wife needs you to plunge hormones into her stomach, you do it.

Let me back up a little. As Kate has previously mentioned, after two unsuccessful IUIs and one wonky ovulation predictor kit experience, we decided to step it up a notch with ovulation monitoring and a "trigger shot".



Kate has gone in to the doctor's office twice in the past week for blood work and an ultrasound to see

how her uterine lining and follicles are looking. Both times things seemed to be progressing nicely, so this morning they told her that we should administer the trigger shot tonight between 9-10pm. Good thing we didn't have theater tickets because this would have been super awkward to do in the ladies room at the Opera House. I digress...

A couple of days ago we ordered the trigger shot, which by the way is not cheap, and found out that it ships

in a refrigerated container ($30 extra, kids) and must be put immediately into the refrigerator upon delivery. Well they delivered it on Tuesday afternoon in the middle of a blizzard so it was kept nice and chilly on our stoop. Then it lived in our fridge amongst the Britta and diet tonic water. That's normal, right?

What it feels like at the beginning of TTC
And then after a couple IUIs.

Last night the time had finally come to unwrap the contents and figure out how the heck to do this. Lucky for Kate, I've been binge watching early episodes of Grey's Anatomy this week. SCALPEL! STAT! Oh...no scalpel required? Uhh, well, ok, I think it would be more exciting with a scalpel. It turned out to be not nearly as dramatic as I had expected. Kate hardly even knew I was doing anything, and I didn't pass out! #winning (that's for you, Dad)

Anyway, now we hope the trigger shot does what it's supposed to- triggers an ovary to release an egg.

We're scheduled for an insemination on Saturday at 9:30am, so say a little prayer, think a little good thought, send a little chocolate...  We'll be getting our champagne on tonight for Kate's last hurrah (hopefully!).

Stay tuned for scenes from the two week wait.

Fertility Monitoring: So There I Was, Pants Around My Ankles

Whoever thought to use
oven mitts on stirrups
is a freaking genius.

View from the
ultrasound table.

Today I went in for the start of my fertility
monitoring and blood work.  Or as I like to call it "Poke and Prod"day.  The first part was the ultrasound.  My nurse greeting me with "Drop trou and take a seat on the throne!" The ultrasound went great- they check out the lining of your uterus- I was at 7.8mm- they are looking for something in between 7-10mm.  She also checked out my follicles, which also sounds like a pick-up line (follicles are responsible for releasing the egg).  She had a good count on both ovaries.  They also take blood to check estrogen levels.  Normally I'm an easy stick (heyo), but it took 4 tries and on the third try I felt a jolt through my body and radiating soreness run through my arm.  I'm not sure what happened, but I'm pretty positive I screamed something that rivaled the F-word count from "Wolf of Wall Street".

Although I was diagnosed with PCOS, I am very lucky to not have major fertility issues such as a blocked tube.  We decided to do the extra monitoring this cycle to make the most out of the try. We are investing a lot into this, financially and emotionally, so I wanted to make sure we are doing the most we can do to get it right. We are hopeful that my insurance will cover most of the monitoring, but we can't seem to get a clear answer from anyone, despite many hours sitting on hold with the insurance company. If insurance ends up not paying for me, you'll find me crying in the corner over our credit card bill. We'll keep you updated!

Another thing that happened is my grandmother passed away this morning.  I had the chance to be with her last weekend and, although she feared technology, she was up-to-date on this blog because each time I posted I would print it out and mail the latest entry to her.  She was the most southern of southern women, but was so accepting of me, Meg and the path we were taking to start a family.  She was fading last night so I called my mother who was by her side to the end.  My mom said, "I think you should tell her you're pregnant." And, while it's not the truth, I had also thought the same thing.  It would make her happy and it wasn't going to hurt anyone.  It wasn't until my mother held the phone to her ear and I struggled to say the words that this whole process, all the work, money, and blood (literally) and tears that have
that has gone into this hit me as hard as it would ever hit.  Even through the unspeakable pain that my grandmother was experiencing, my father said she raised her arms off the bed in celebration.

So.  Next steps.  My hormone levels were good- no surge detected (typically a surge of LH will happen between days 12-16).  And I'll go back in for another ultrasound and more blood work on Thursday morning.  Our  trigger shot will be arriving in the mail tomorrow so we will be ready to inject as soon as they give us the ok- this is the shot that Meg will have to inject in my behind.  I'm already preparing an arsenal of gifs for this experience.  Heh. ARSenal.