This TWW Update Brought to You By Ellen & the 2014 Oscars

Hey team.  So we left off at our latest attempt in OBM (Operation Baby Makin') by way of ovulation monitoring including several ultrasounds to measure follicles and blood work to measure LH (Luteinizing Hormone) and Progesterone.  We got the thumbs up on Thursday the 20th that I had a baller follicle and my Be-uterine lining was also stellar.  Then Meg shot me in the stomach... with a needle of HCG to help induce ovulation within 36 hours and on Saturday the 22nd we inseminated!

The past two weeks have been as rough as any TWW we've experienced.  I spent the first 7 days telling myself every second that I need to remember that I took a shot that injected me with a pregnancy hormone and that "those feelings" aren't real.  And then obsessively Google how long it takes to get that mess out of your system so you can cave to the early testing we inevitably cave to.  I chose to think as positively as possible this cycle.  We did EVERYTHING we could possibly do other than IVF to make this cycle as optimal as possible so I chose to think that we ARE going to be pregnant.  Well, that is until one day during the cycle- maybe

hormones, maybe I was hangry- when the thought weaseled into my mind, "You might not be- again." And then a negative pregnancy test image popped into my head.  That was my version of saying "that Scottish play" in a theater.  It took me days to come out of that funk.  But, again, I'm forcing myself to think positively.  Reminding myself we did everything possible to make this happen and, also, that timing things just right to make a baby is harder than that Flappy Bird game.

I have also been communicating more with friends who are going through this/have been through this- thanks ladies, you're all gems.  I can't stress this enough- if you are choosing to go through this venture it is beyond necessary to have proper support.  Because you can't have booze.  Don't get me wrong, Meg is my rock.  But sometimes you need to discuss irrational feelings with another person who has been through this Rock n' Roller Coaster Starring Aerosmith-like journey.  Or when you need to talk about bodily functions that would only chip away at the incredibly sexy image of myself I have

Potential Baby Name?

meticulously crafted in Meg's mind <sarcasm>.  And sometimes you let your crazy emotions join forces with your positive vibes and start talking about things that you would normally say fall into the "jinx bucket" of conversations, like potential baby names.  But with your Soul Cysters (I can take no credit for that one- thanks internet) it's totally kosher.  But really.  Find your outlets.

So now we wait until Friday morning for blood work.  So pray to whatever deity you believe in that we get good news.

Fertility Monitoring: So There I Was, Pants Around My Ankles

Whoever thought to use
oven mitts on stirrups
is a freaking genius.

View from the
ultrasound table.

Today I went in for the start of my fertility
monitoring and blood work.  Or as I like to call it "Poke and Prod"day.  The first part was the ultrasound.  My nurse greeting me with "Drop trou and take a seat on the throne!" The ultrasound went great- they check out the lining of your uterus- I was at 7.8mm- they are looking for something in between 7-10mm.  She also checked out my follicles, which also sounds like a pick-up line (follicles are responsible for releasing the egg).  She had a good count on both ovaries.  They also take blood to check estrogen levels.  Normally I'm an easy stick (heyo), but it took 4 tries and on the third try I felt a jolt through my body and radiating soreness run through my arm.  I'm not sure what happened, but I'm pretty positive I screamed something that rivaled the F-word count from "Wolf of Wall Street".

Although I was diagnosed with PCOS, I am very lucky to not have major fertility issues such as a blocked tube.  We decided to do the extra monitoring this cycle to make the most out of the try. We are investing a lot into this, financially and emotionally, so I wanted to make sure we are doing the most we can do to get it right. We are hopeful that my insurance will cover most of the monitoring, but we can't seem to get a clear answer from anyone, despite many hours sitting on hold with the insurance company. If insurance ends up not paying for me, you'll find me crying in the corner over our credit card bill. We'll keep you updated!

Another thing that happened is my grandmother passed away this morning.  I had the chance to be with her last weekend and, although she feared technology, she was up-to-date on this blog because each time I posted I would print it out and mail the latest entry to her.  She was the most southern of southern women, but was so accepting of me, Meg and the path we were taking to start a family.  She was fading last night so I called my mother who was by her side to the end.  My mom said, "I think you should tell her you're pregnant." And, while it's not the truth, I had also thought the same thing.  It would make her happy and it wasn't going to hurt anyone.  It wasn't until my mother held the phone to her ear and I struggled to say the words that this whole process, all the work, money, and blood (literally) and tears that have
that has gone into this hit me as hard as it would ever hit.  Even through the unspeakable pain that my grandmother was experiencing, my father said she raised her arms off the bed in celebration.

So.  Next steps.  My hormone levels were good- no surge detected (typically a surge of LH will happen between days 12-16).  And I'll go back in for another ultrasound and more blood work on Thursday morning.  Our  trigger shot will be arriving in the mail tomorrow so we will be ready to inject as soon as they give us the ok- this is the shot that Meg will have to inject in my behind.  I'm already preparing an arsenal of gifs for this experience.  Heh. ARSenal.

Goin' For the Gold, or, HcG Trigger Shots in My Rear

Well team, this cycle is starting a lot better than the past two have.  I am now becoming a firm believer in the "White Pants" theory.  Only women will understand this... For all the rest of you, here's some

education: as a female, you could guarantee a visit from your Aunt Flo by doing any of the following: planning a beach vacation, going on a date, or wearing white pants. We got our BFN on Friday the 31st and then I was still almost a week late.  Last time I went over a month without a new cycle, whichever they attributed to a cyst formed by the Clomid, and the day they told me to call if nothing had started, I called.... then bam.  She hit. This cycle I was running late again. And to my shock, to the same level of every member of the press who first saw their rooms in Sochi ( #olympics), it arrived.

For this next cycle we decided that we wanted to be a little more aggressive.  We will continue on 50mg of Clomid (starting tonight) which I had called in to a CVS while I'm visiting family in Virginia-side note: when I went to pick up the prescription at a CVS in rural Virginia I had "Di," the lesbian of all lesbians for a checkout woman. I wanted to have a secret signal that said, "My sista!", but this was the south and there's a good chance that she's actually straight. The line between butch lesbian and short haired badass southern chick is paper thin. 

We are also going to do fertility monitoring starting on day 12 of my cycle. I will go in every 2 days for an ultrasound where they will monitor the growth of my ovarian follicles.  And now I'm gonna drop a little education bomb. Typically, when a woman ovulates without fertility mess, a single follicle will raise up off the ovary.  The follicle should grow 18-24mm before it will rupture and pop out an egg.  With my having PCOS, I'm never guaranteed ovulation and last cycle the Clomid messed with the OPK test results and I question if I ovulated at all.  That experience had me more stressed out than a stage manager from "Spider-Man: The Musical".  They will also be taking

blood every other day to check estrogen levels- if my arm looks like I'm a character from "Rent" start singing 'Seasons of Love' to me and that will be our "secret handshake".

Ultrasound evaluation of follicles is even more important when fertility drugs are administered, since it

What I imagine a follicle looks like

allows the physician to determine the number and ripeness of follicles so that ovulation can be further stimulated and triggered in a safe fashion.

Also, the ultrasound can determine the thickness of the endometrial lining. The lining of the uterus must achieve a certain minimum thickness in order for there to be a good expectation that implantation will take place.

Doesn't even apply- I just love this.

Legit copied that from an old encyclopedia from my parents house.  Thanks 1998. Half of this blog's purpose is to educate. The other half is to entertain through witty remarks and painstakingly selected gifs.

After the doc identifies that that a follicle is ready I'll inject a trigger shot.  The shot contains hCG which is the chemical that triggers an egg to release. My doctor has ordered the shot which the medicine and needles will be delivered to us at our house and we will have to inject on our own.  Don't worry kids... That sucker is gonna be a blog post all on its own.

And we have to deal with what we pay out of pocket and what is covered by insurance.

We have to time things just right so we get the sperm in at the right time as frozen, thawed sperm only live 24-72 hours.  Then timing the egg release just right so they are not too premature or too old- we need them to be "Mama Bear Just Right".

That fairy tale fertility analogy just blew my mind.

Reproductive Systems Be Like: Psych

So I got the call and it is a big fat negative.

What it feels like trying to get pregnant

We actually did feel like things were different this time.  And I think the nurses that have called me the last two times are thrown off that I don't break down into a Scarlet O'Hara type hot mess upon hearing the news.  I simply take a moment, suck back the tears and say, "Ok, what's our new game plan?"  I can cry when I'm in a dark, isolated, soundproof location like any emotionally repressed Catholic-raised person would do.  The nurse said that we will continue the Clomid plan and to call on the first day of my next cycle (let's pray another cyst hasn't formed).  I then brought up that I think, with the issues of PCOS

When you're reading a pregnancy
test and you think you see a +,
but it's like looking at one of those
pixelated paintings they had in the mall
that when your eyes crossed you saw
the 3D picture (which I lied b/c I could
NEVER see them).

and my irregular results from the OPK this cycle, that I would like to bring out bigger ammo.  So we are going to add on follicle monitoring (observing the growth and maturity of the follicles to pinpoint the right moment of ovulation instead of relying on a stick that I pee on) as well as a trigger shot.  Combined with the Clomid, the trigger shot 'tells' your body (it injects a massive does of HCG), "Listen Honey, you better release an egg or Kate's gonna go Jaoquin Phoenix crazy".  So... Next steps- wait for next cycle, call insurance to verify coverage again, day 3 take Clomid and start monitoring.  But- this also means I'm gonna have some new material for the blog, so that's the silver lining of today's news.  Inappropriate gifs will abound.

So yes, I am sad.

Yes, I am incredibly disappointed (both in the negative test results and in my body, which makes me feel like a failure for not working correctly).  But we must look forward, right?

And as for this weekend.. at least I can drink. Enough said.

TTC: If At First You Don't Succeed, Put Those Legs Back In the Air

My reproductive system as performed by Julia Louis-Dreyfus

So our first attempt was a BFN and that was a hard pill to swallow (and anyone TTC knows we swallow a lot of pills) <rim shot>.

What It Feels Like When You Don't Know
When Your Next Cycle Will Start

In our last post we told you about how Aunt Flo wasn't making her appearance and, to be honest, after the hormone induced craziness of the past couple of months your mind starts to think... science could be wrong- blood has never proven anything ever and there's a chance that I still might be pregnant because everyone knows "being late" is the surefire symptom, as proven by the 1950s.





Well, AF finally came. I'm not pregnant (duh). The doctor started me on another round of Clomid and, like last time, it was horrible (refresher: Clomid is a medication to help encourage ovulation). The two biggest side effects I noticed were hot flashes and the inability to stay asleep.  The hot flashes were just beautiful little fairies that breathed the fire of a thousand hells on you at 3am.  But it's cool because you were already awake at 2am unable to go back to sleep until 15 minutes before you alarm was about to go off.  So that was convenient.  #sarcasm  Luckily that only lasts for 5 nights, but I want to publicly apologize to everyone I encountered on those 5 glorious days of fatigue and sweat stains (<--new band name, I call it).




I started doing ovulation testing Monday and today we got a big ol' smiley meaning I'm at my peak of ovulation.

So we are all set to try again with another IUI on Friday the 17th!

Thunder is For the Skies, Not For the Thighs: Reaching My Safe BMI Goal

I HIT MY GOAL WEIGHT

So next steps:

1. Keep losing so planets don't orbit me (see routine below- who' in?)

2. Await my next cycle (hopefully in a couple days) to start Clomid

3. First try (hopefully) in 2 weeks

Weight & Pregnancy, or The Curse of the Junk In the Trunk

So as we have discussed before weight is a factor in a successful pregnancy (duh).  So with me "passing inspection" this is the last hurdle.  Fertility clinics have strict rules about BMI (this was one of the 'rules' clinics have accepting you as a patient) and, despite the fact you can be in pretty great health- weight withstanding, they can decline to inseminate you if you are not at or under the BMI cap.  I have been a "big kid" as a child, a "fat girl" as a teen and "heavy woman" as an adult.  Losing weight hasn't been easy for me and, granted, until I was 20-ish I thought potatoes were considered a vegetable... ...

I have, approx, 40 days to lose 6 pounds to get to the weight my fertility doc said I  would need to be to be approved to do insemination according to the clinic rules.  And it's not just about weight loss.  I also need to maintain my vitamin levels (I've been dissing Vitamin D), keep an eye my thyroid, balance new natural vitamins to help with LH (I read an article that says a natural way of helping increase progesterone/Lutenizing Hormones/lengthening your Luteal Stage (the part where your woman parts prepare for the baby bean drops itself like it's hot).  I'm on a cocktail of vitamins and will start taking Clomid soon.  Sorry everyone for the things I do and say- it is not me speaking, it's a concoction of random chemically induced personalities from a range of Tammy Faye Baker to Chris Brown.

But I've also started working out more.  And by more I mean at all.
I've been doing 45+ minutes a day of cardio for 6 days a week.  I also restricted my diet to no gluten,

no unnatural sugars, no sweets, limited cheese, reduced carbs, and maybe 1 drink a week (if I do it's 1 gin and diet tonic).  Now I know what you're thinking and I already left a message for the good folks at Franzia  so it doesn't throw off their inventory.  Most of the time I feel ok, but I don't look forward to eating.  I see my 134,985th day of salads in a row and there's only so much you can do to make a salad appetizing before it crosses the line into taco salad (just because it has lettuce doesn't make it a salad).  Meg and I were on a walk last night and I legit spent a quarter of a mile talking about fried mozzarella sticks and loaded potato skins like I was performing a live reading of "50 Shades of Gray".

Me Trying to Learn ANY Choreography.

 People at work have been telling me to change things up and join a gym with classes.  Then you can transition into pregnancy workout classes then post-pregnancy workout classes.  I am not good at attending classes.  Group workouts stress me out and I am part of the rhythm-less nation and I inevitably will harm myself/classmate/aerobic equipment with what should have been a Burpee and ended up being a Fartee or a downward facing dog that spirals into sideways falling Kate.  Then there are the people telling me to do Zumba.... have you seen me dance at a wedding?  I come prepared with "I'm sorry I kicked you in the face.  I blame Wine and Cher."

How I Feel When I Leave the Gym.

So, I've got 6 pounds to get to the weight my doctor wants me to be at so the clinic will allow the insemination.  Of course I want to lose more, but eye on the prize kids.

The below has nothing to do with this post, other than further proof I was a butterball of a kid, but I found it while looking at childhood photos.

Foreshadowing?