Being Strong the Night Before: This Post Endorsed By Michelle Obama's Arms

Hey team.  So tomorrow's the day we find out if second time's a charm.  I decided to do this post a little differently.  This time around I feel like I'm a pro (no, I'm not) and that I know everything that's coming around the bend (you're welcome for getting Pocahontas' "Just Around the River Bend" stuck in your head #disney).  None of that is true, but we are in semi-familiar territory.  This time I knew not to think every little cramp in my abdomen was a "thing".  This time around I had better things to do than to stare at the size of my chest in the mirror wondering if the girls were getting bigger- well, ok, so I did do that when I was housebound during the snow storm...  Some things that I did do: I allowed myself to think that it could happen, even daydreaming about future events I would attend as "pregnant Kate".  I spent a little bit of time looking at baby clothes and nursery ideas.  And I might have cried at a Ford commercial and then yelled at trashcan because clearly it caused the garbage bag to get stuck and rip, spilling the contents all over the ground. Yeah, I might have.

But I also remembered last time.  To be honest, we both, kind of, felt like it was going to happen for us on the first try.  That we would be that lesbian couple that broke the odds.  Then we would walk out of the reproductive clinic in our sensibly shoes under a saber arch held by the tallest members of the WNBA followed by a trail of adopted animals.  But it didn't happen that way.  And we dealt with that, and then dealt with the side affect of Clomid- creating a cyst that prolonged us trying again for another month.  Then a VERY confusing ovulation testing experience (most likely tied to Clomid) so I was left hoping that the results were right and not skewed from the meds.  And then another two week wait.  Whoever makes a woman wait 2 weeks with raging hormones for the potential of having a baby while also allowing us no booze is sadist.

We've also had a lot of support- it increases with each post.  The amount of people who have "come out" about their struggles to get pregnant and who were willing to share their story with us is astounding.   So bravo to you, ladies.

This time there were things I experienced that were very different than last time... things that seem like good signs. But I'm Irish and I believe in jinxing things so I've stopped myself from thinking about that too much.  I'm also a little pessimistic about my body as it has been a bitch to me my whole life so I don't give it a lot of credit.  So let's just do this.  If when I get that call tomorrow and they give me good news we can feel like this...

And if we get bad news again I'm allowed to feel like this...

TWW, The Sequel: Reloaded & Back With a Vengeance

Watching for ovulation.

So we were inseminated on Friday.  This cycle was a little different than the last.  Typically, when using Clearblue Advanced Digital Ovulation tests, you get 1-2 days of a flashing smiley face telling you that your fertility is high (for straighties who get their "junk" for free it means you can start trying now to optimize your window) which serves as a heads up.  After the 2 day flashing smiley you then should receive a solid smiley face indicating you are at your peak and should ovulate sometime in the next 12-24 hours.  Well I didn't receive my solid smiley face until I'd had 4 days of flashing smileys which really threw me for a loop.  After much research (internet you are both my bff and my worst enemy) I learned that Clomid can lead to jacked up readings on your OPK tests.  Shit.

How I feel about stressing over sperm
motility. #really?!

We hope, much like anyone else in this process, that we got the timing right.  We also learned that the specimen that was thawed for our Friday insemination was lower motility.  Not below standards, but not super high.  Our fertility doctor said that it was fine to use and after last insemination where we ended up combining two samples (which didn't work any better) we thought it would be fine.

We are now on day 4 of our TWW (two week wait) and it is so much different this time.  Last time I thought any little move would "shake things loose" and had an initial fear of peeing because "what if I peed it out"... If you haven't figured this out by now, trying to have a baby makes you cray cray.  I'm going to reiterate this for anyone else in the TWW reading this.  There are no definitive signs during this time to tell you you're pregnant.  So, no, it's just gas from that burrito you ate.  I don't mean to be an asshat, but I spent many a night scouring the internet with the same questions.  I also am ashamed of how little I knew about my own female anatomy.

It hasn't gotten this bad.

So this time I'm not treating myself like "The Boy in the Plastic Bubble." I'm still avoiding alcohol and unpasteurized foods and limiting caffeine, but this time I'm hitting the gym (gently).  I am in a crafting crazy mode again-  this time I'm knitting- shut up with the old cat lady jokes.  And, as luck would have it, I'm going to be traveling for work on the day I'm supposed to go in for my pregnancy blood test so we're going to have to wait a couple extra days to find out for sure. We'll call this one the T+WW.

TTC: If At First You Don't Succeed, Put Those Legs Back In the Air

My reproductive system as performed by Julia Louis-Dreyfus

So our first attempt was a BFN and that was a hard pill to swallow (and anyone TTC knows we swallow a lot of pills) <rim shot>.

What It Feels Like When You Don't Know
When Your Next Cycle Will Start

In our last post we told you about how Aunt Flo wasn't making her appearance and, to be honest, after the hormone induced craziness of the past couple of months your mind starts to think... science could be wrong- blood has never proven anything ever and there's a chance that I still might be pregnant because everyone knows "being late" is the surefire symptom, as proven by the 1950s.





Well, AF finally came. I'm not pregnant (duh). The doctor started me on another round of Clomid and, like last time, it was horrible (refresher: Clomid is a medication to help encourage ovulation). The two biggest side effects I noticed were hot flashes and the inability to stay asleep.  The hot flashes were just beautiful little fairies that breathed the fire of a thousand hells on you at 3am.  But it's cool because you were already awake at 2am unable to go back to sleep until 15 minutes before you alarm was about to go off.  So that was convenient.  #sarcasm  Luckily that only lasts for 5 nights, but I want to publicly apologize to everyone I encountered on those 5 glorious days of fatigue and sweat stains (<--new band name, I call it).




I started doing ovulation testing Monday and today we got a big ol' smiley meaning I'm at my peak of ovulation.

So we are all set to try again with another IUI on Friday the 17th!

Hormones- Am I Right?

Hey team.  First of all, thank you all so much for your support through all of this.  Really.  You're all gems.

So where did we leave off? In mid-December we got a BFN (big fat negative) on our first pregnancy test and had great plans to hit the 3-buck chuck and chicken wings hard.  Mission Accomplished.  We were then waiting for my next cycle to begin so we can start the OBM (operation baby makin') process all over again.  Problem was, Aunt Flo was nowhere to be found.  I called the reproductive clinic and they had me come in for blood work.  They informed me that certain hormone levels were raised and their assumption was that I had a functioning cyst.  This would postpone a cycle from starting and is commonly tied to fertility drugs.  After failing my first attempt at conceiving the last thing I wanted to hear was, "Just keep waiting."

Then, as we all commonly do when you receive medical news, I started researching the crap out of it- despite the fact that I've clearly learned that the web is a vortex of self-proclaimed authorities who couldn't find correct grammar with a follow-spot and a SEAL team.  With absolutely no self-control I then started looking for "natural" ways to help kick start things.  I firmly believe we could all make our millions putting colored flour in a capsule, titling it with a name that ends with a legit medical sound - fakermine - and saying it promotes "fertile wellness."

Simulation of Kate waiting.

A week later there was still no sign of AF so I called the clinic again.  I was told, again, to keep waiting.  It was now calendar day 46 and no period in sight.  So I called again (they're so sick of hearing from me) and the nurse scheduled me for more blood work on January 6th.  She said that she suspected, since I still hadn't gotten my period, that I actually hadn't ovulated at all and that my positive OPK result was due to the Clomid hormones.  Crap. What a waste of very expensive sperm, not to mention my sanity. Then yesterday I was out running errands and it happened.  <woohoo> Never in my life have I been so excited to get my period.

And, in typical Kate fashion, I called and left a message at the clinic promising baked goods and inappropriate humor to whomever called me back to talk next steps.  Poor Nurse Becky called me back this morning and said that since I did start my cycle they believe I did ovulate (phew) and that it isn't uncommon for women on Clomid to have elongated cycles as the drug stimulates (heh) follicles encouraging ovulation and some get hyper-stimulated resulting in a functioning cyst.  It's the cyst that then starts producing a constant stream of estrogen and only when it stops will your cycle begin.  And so after this female reproductive PSA nugget I just dropped on you I also was inspired to make you this:

So, what's next? Well, more waiting. I'll start taking Clomid again tomorrow night and start testing for ovulation on day 10 of my cycle. If this all goes similarly to how it went last time, we'll be inseminating again around January 18th/19th. Stay tuned, folks. 

12 Days of TTC Christmas: But No Pressure, Y'all...

"Venture" LOL Grandma

We wanted to share some of the Christmas cards with best wishes on our TTC journey.  But no pressure guys. ;)  In honor of the holidays...

On the twelfth day of Christmas my TTC gave to me- 
12 phlebotomists with the shakes.
11 months of poking (heh) & prodding.
10 Clomid ugly cries.
9 stirrup leg cramps.
8 pics of my ovaries.
7 new fad diets.
6 awkward Google search histories.
5 sketchy OPK bathroom testssssssssss.
4 letter word yelled at a speculum.
3 B-uterus compliments.
2 legs in the air.
And a vial of sperm & a testing stick no one can read.

Ovulation Testing: You'll Study More Than You Did for the LSAT

Starting on day 3 of my cycle they had me start taking Clomid (what that experience was like):

Kate sees this: 

Then she starts to do this:

Then on day 10 (today) they will have me start testing for ovulation.

You can test every 4 hours which means I'm gonna spend a lot of time in the bathroom at work and most likely will become "that girl".

Most tests take 3-5 minutes to show results.  So to anyone entering the stall next to me and leaving before I do, it will appear that we were in a (to quote my cousin) "poop off".  My co-worker said I need a separate pair of nondescript shoes to wear when I go take a test... or I could suspend my feet off the floor.  It'll be great for my abs.

You have to catch it at the right moment AND be able to read the ROYGBIV color spectrum that is the testing strip.  Let me lay it out for you...

You also can't provide too much of a sample as it will null the test.  Or if you get a dud tester you have to wait another 4 hours.







Women have, typically, a 24 hour window for when an egg is released and able to be fertilized.  So you have to test and test as you patiently wait for the quasi-matching lines to appear- sometimes asking complete strangers their opinion while showing them a poorly lit picture you took on your iPhone. (Not me, specifically, but I've heard).  As soon as we get a positive, we'll call the clinic (must be before noon so the sperm can defrost.... I will never be able to defrost chicken the same again) and go in the next morning for insemination.  Not only will we have a short amount of time, but so will the sperm.  Fresh sperm (ew) can live in a woman's body for up to 5 days.  Frozen sperm only has 2 days, max.  I really hope someone reading this right now wins final Jeopardy with the above facts because that would make my damn day.  The one advantage we do get is that we are doing IUI so the donation is placed directly into the uterus (or my Bea-uterus- thank you Brian D. aka future manny) so it "bypasses getting stuck on Storrow and just takes the Pike" (Mass-holes get it).  I can only describe this process as such:

Blame It On the Clomid: A Story of Hot Flashes and Weep-fests

I'm totally grateful for how positive my test results have been through this whole process, but this journey is seriously taking forever. BUT I did start day 1 of my cycle, aka I got my period (sorry Dad, gay boyfriends, etc!) on Monday and contacted our fertility clinic for next steps.


They have recorded my new and improved weight (BAM) and confirmed that they did receive the shipment of donor sperm....

...and started me on Clomid, which is a pill prescribed for woman who experience irregular cycles. It's supposed to assist in ovulation by toying with your hormones.  Let me put it in a way that's easy to understand.... Clomid helps get your baby party started by increasing the chances you will ovulate and strengthens your ovulation.  AKA it gets this party started right.  It gets this party started quickly. C+C music Factory anyone?

So I have 5 days worth of 50mg of Clomid.  My level of knowledge about Clomid is equivalent to my knowledge of fixing a car.  Both, apparently, come with hot flashes though.  So I Googled it.  Legit research.  Some women said they felt like this:

But mostly I expect to feel a constant amplified version of what you felt when you saw these cinematic nuggets that, now as an adult, you feel were completely inappropriate for young kids to see:

And maybe being a little overly sensitive:

So far the only thing I have experienced was during my drive to work today.  I was listening to the holiday station on my radio (shut up- I went shopping at Christmas Tree Shop last weekend and it went down hill from there).  Dean Martin's "Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer" came on.  So I'm listening and singing along and then about halfway through he starts just riffin' on this song.  So driving through Harvard Square I am yelling at my satellite radio station, "When in hell did we decide Santa has a German accent Dean!?!?  And who the hell are you to change the lyrics to "Rudy the Red Beaked Reindeer" you asshole.  You killed Christmas, Dean Martin.  You killed Christmas."

And then Nat King Cole's "Silent Night" came on and I cried me a (Charles) river.