First comes love...

(post by Meg, gifs by Kate)

Meg & Kate,
sitting in a tree,
K-I-S-S-I-N-G.
First comes love,
then comes marriage,
then comes a hormone
in a syringe (carriage).

Wait, that's not how it usually goes. Well folks, that's real life these days in our treehouse.

For those of you who know me (hi, this is Meg), you probably can't imagine my putting a needle into Kate's stomach. You probably can't even imagine my thinking about doing such a thing. (Shout out to Victoria- Remember the time I stapled my finger in the band hallway and literally could not even look at it? Yeah.) I'll admit, I wasn't looking forward to it, but when your wife needs you to plunge hormones into her stomach, you do it.

Let me back up a little. As Kate has previously mentioned, after two unsuccessful IUIs and one wonky ovulation predictor kit experience, we decided to step it up a notch with ovulation monitoring and a "trigger shot".



Kate has gone in to the doctor's office twice in the past week for blood work and an ultrasound to see

how her uterine lining and follicles are looking. Both times things seemed to be progressing nicely, so this morning they told her that we should administer the trigger shot tonight between 9-10pm. Good thing we didn't have theater tickets because this would have been super awkward to do in the ladies room at the Opera House. I digress...

A couple of days ago we ordered the trigger shot, which by the way is not cheap, and found out that it ships

in a refrigerated container ($30 extra, kids) and must be put immediately into the refrigerator upon delivery. Well they delivered it on Tuesday afternoon in the middle of a blizzard so it was kept nice and chilly on our stoop. Then it lived in our fridge amongst the Britta and diet tonic water. That's normal, right?

What it feels like at the beginning of TTC
And then after a couple IUIs.

Last night the time had finally come to unwrap the contents and figure out how the heck to do this. Lucky for Kate, I've been binge watching early episodes of Grey's Anatomy this week. SCALPEL! STAT! Oh...no scalpel required? Uhh, well, ok, I think it would be more exciting with a scalpel. It turned out to be not nearly as dramatic as I had expected. Kate hardly even knew I was doing anything, and I didn't pass out! #winning (that's for you, Dad)

Anyway, now we hope the trigger shot does what it's supposed to- triggers an ovary to release an egg.

We're scheduled for an insemination on Saturday at 9:30am, so say a little prayer, think a little good thought, send a little chocolate...  We'll be getting our champagne on tonight for Kate's last hurrah (hopefully!).

Stay tuned for scenes from the two week wait.

Goin' For the Gold, or, HcG Trigger Shots in My Rear

Well team, this cycle is starting a lot better than the past two have.  I am now becoming a firm believer in the "White Pants" theory.  Only women will understand this... For all the rest of you, here's some

education: as a female, you could guarantee a visit from your Aunt Flo by doing any of the following: planning a beach vacation, going on a date, or wearing white pants. We got our BFN on Friday the 31st and then I was still almost a week late.  Last time I went over a month without a new cycle, whichever they attributed to a cyst formed by the Clomid, and the day they told me to call if nothing had started, I called.... then bam.  She hit. This cycle I was running late again. And to my shock, to the same level of every member of the press who first saw their rooms in Sochi ( #olympics), it arrived.

For this next cycle we decided that we wanted to be a little more aggressive.  We will continue on 50mg of Clomid (starting tonight) which I had called in to a CVS while I'm visiting family in Virginia-side note: when I went to pick up the prescription at a CVS in rural Virginia I had "Di," the lesbian of all lesbians for a checkout woman. I wanted to have a secret signal that said, "My sista!", but this was the south and there's a good chance that she's actually straight. The line between butch lesbian and short haired badass southern chick is paper thin. 

We are also going to do fertility monitoring starting on day 12 of my cycle. I will go in every 2 days for an ultrasound where they will monitor the growth of my ovarian follicles.  And now I'm gonna drop a little education bomb. Typically, when a woman ovulates without fertility mess, a single follicle will raise up off the ovary.  The follicle should grow 18-24mm before it will rupture and pop out an egg.  With my having PCOS, I'm never guaranteed ovulation and last cycle the Clomid messed with the OPK test results and I question if I ovulated at all.  That experience had me more stressed out than a stage manager from "Spider-Man: The Musical".  They will also be taking

blood every other day to check estrogen levels- if my arm looks like I'm a character from "Rent" start singing 'Seasons of Love' to me and that will be our "secret handshake".

Ultrasound evaluation of follicles is even more important when fertility drugs are administered, since it

What I imagine a follicle looks like

allows the physician to determine the number and ripeness of follicles so that ovulation can be further stimulated and triggered in a safe fashion.

Also, the ultrasound can determine the thickness of the endometrial lining. The lining of the uterus must achieve a certain minimum thickness in order for there to be a good expectation that implantation will take place.

Doesn't even apply- I just love this.

Legit copied that from an old encyclopedia from my parents house.  Thanks 1998. Half of this blog's purpose is to educate. The other half is to entertain through witty remarks and painstakingly selected gifs.

After the doc identifies that that a follicle is ready I'll inject a trigger shot.  The shot contains hCG which is the chemical that triggers an egg to release. My doctor has ordered the shot which the medicine and needles will be delivered to us at our house and we will have to inject on our own.  Don't worry kids... That sucker is gonna be a blog post all on its own.

And we have to deal with what we pay out of pocket and what is covered by insurance.

We have to time things just right so we get the sperm in at the right time as frozen, thawed sperm only live 24-72 hours.  Then timing the egg release just right so they are not too premature or too old- we need them to be "Mama Bear Just Right".

That fairy tale fertility analogy just blew my mind.

Reproductive Systems Be Like: Psych

So I got the call and it is a big fat negative.

What it feels like trying to get pregnant

We actually did feel like things were different this time.  And I think the nurses that have called me the last two times are thrown off that I don't break down into a Scarlet O'Hara type hot mess upon hearing the news.  I simply take a moment, suck back the tears and say, "Ok, what's our new game plan?"  I can cry when I'm in a dark, isolated, soundproof location like any emotionally repressed Catholic-raised person would do.  The nurse said that we will continue the Clomid plan and to call on the first day of my next cycle (let's pray another cyst hasn't formed).  I then brought up that I think, with the issues of PCOS

When you're reading a pregnancy
test and you think you see a +,
but it's like looking at one of those
pixelated paintings they had in the mall
that when your eyes crossed you saw
the 3D picture (which I lied b/c I could
NEVER see them).

and my irregular results from the OPK this cycle, that I would like to bring out bigger ammo.  So we are going to add on follicle monitoring (observing the growth and maturity of the follicles to pinpoint the right moment of ovulation instead of relying on a stick that I pee on) as well as a trigger shot.  Combined with the Clomid, the trigger shot 'tells' your body (it injects a massive does of HCG), "Listen Honey, you better release an egg or Kate's gonna go Jaoquin Phoenix crazy".  So... Next steps- wait for next cycle, call insurance to verify coverage again, day 3 take Clomid and start monitoring.  But- this also means I'm gonna have some new material for the blog, so that's the silver lining of today's news.  Inappropriate gifs will abound.

So yes, I am sad.

Yes, I am incredibly disappointed (both in the negative test results and in my body, which makes me feel like a failure for not working correctly).  But we must look forward, right?

And as for this weekend.. at least I can drink. Enough said.

Being Strong the Night Before: This Post Endorsed By Michelle Obama's Arms

Hey team.  So tomorrow's the day we find out if second time's a charm.  I decided to do this post a little differently.  This time around I feel like I'm a pro (no, I'm not) and that I know everything that's coming around the bend (you're welcome for getting Pocahontas' "Just Around the River Bend" stuck in your head #disney).  None of that is true, but we are in semi-familiar territory.  This time I knew not to think every little cramp in my abdomen was a "thing".  This time around I had better things to do than to stare at the size of my chest in the mirror wondering if the girls were getting bigger- well, ok, so I did do that when I was housebound during the snow storm...  Some things that I did do: I allowed myself to think that it could happen, even daydreaming about future events I would attend as "pregnant Kate".  I spent a little bit of time looking at baby clothes and nursery ideas.  And I might have cried at a Ford commercial and then yelled at trashcan because clearly it caused the garbage bag to get stuck and rip, spilling the contents all over the ground. Yeah, I might have.

But I also remembered last time.  To be honest, we both, kind of, felt like it was going to happen for us on the first try.  That we would be that lesbian couple that broke the odds.  Then we would walk out of the reproductive clinic in our sensibly shoes under a saber arch held by the tallest members of the WNBA followed by a trail of adopted animals.  But it didn't happen that way.  And we dealt with that, and then dealt with the side affect of Clomid- creating a cyst that prolonged us trying again for another month.  Then a VERY confusing ovulation testing experience (most likely tied to Clomid) so I was left hoping that the results were right and not skewed from the meds.  And then another two week wait.  Whoever makes a woman wait 2 weeks with raging hormones for the potential of having a baby while also allowing us no booze is sadist.

We've also had a lot of support- it increases with each post.  The amount of people who have "come out" about their struggles to get pregnant and who were willing to share their story with us is astounding.   So bravo to you, ladies.

This time there were things I experienced that were very different than last time... things that seem like good signs. But I'm Irish and I believe in jinxing things so I've stopped myself from thinking about that too much.  I'm also a little pessimistic about my body as it has been a bitch to me my whole life so I don't give it a lot of credit.  So let's just do this.  If when I get that call tomorrow and they give me good news we can feel like this...

And if we get bad news again I'm allowed to feel like this...

TWW, The Sequel: Reloaded & Back With a Vengeance

Watching for ovulation.

So we were inseminated on Friday.  This cycle was a little different than the last.  Typically, when using Clearblue Advanced Digital Ovulation tests, you get 1-2 days of a flashing smiley face telling you that your fertility is high (for straighties who get their "junk" for free it means you can start trying now to optimize your window) which serves as a heads up.  After the 2 day flashing smiley you then should receive a solid smiley face indicating you are at your peak and should ovulate sometime in the next 12-24 hours.  Well I didn't receive my solid smiley face until I'd had 4 days of flashing smileys which really threw me for a loop.  After much research (internet you are both my bff and my worst enemy) I learned that Clomid can lead to jacked up readings on your OPK tests.  Shit.

How I feel about stressing over sperm
motility. #really?!

We hope, much like anyone else in this process, that we got the timing right.  We also learned that the specimen that was thawed for our Friday insemination was lower motility.  Not below standards, but not super high.  Our fertility doctor said that it was fine to use and after last insemination where we ended up combining two samples (which didn't work any better) we thought it would be fine.

We are now on day 4 of our TWW (two week wait) and it is so much different this time.  Last time I thought any little move would "shake things loose" and had an initial fear of peeing because "what if I peed it out"... If you haven't figured this out by now, trying to have a baby makes you cray cray.  I'm going to reiterate this for anyone else in the TWW reading this.  There are no definitive signs during this time to tell you you're pregnant.  So, no, it's just gas from that burrito you ate.  I don't mean to be an asshat, but I spent many a night scouring the internet with the same questions.  I also am ashamed of how little I knew about my own female anatomy.

It hasn't gotten this bad.

So this time I'm not treating myself like "The Boy in the Plastic Bubble." I'm still avoiding alcohol and unpasteurized foods and limiting caffeine, but this time I'm hitting the gym (gently).  I am in a crafting crazy mode again-  this time I'm knitting- shut up with the old cat lady jokes.  And, as luck would have it, I'm going to be traveling for work on the day I'm supposed to go in for my pregnancy blood test so we're going to have to wait a couple extra days to find out for sure. We'll call this one the T+WW.

TTC: If At First You Don't Succeed, Put Those Legs Back In the Air

My reproductive system as performed by Julia Louis-Dreyfus

So our first attempt was a BFN and that was a hard pill to swallow (and anyone TTC knows we swallow a lot of pills) <rim shot>.

What It Feels Like When You Don't Know
When Your Next Cycle Will Start

In our last post we told you about how Aunt Flo wasn't making her appearance and, to be honest, after the hormone induced craziness of the past couple of months your mind starts to think... science could be wrong- blood has never proven anything ever and there's a chance that I still might be pregnant because everyone knows "being late" is the surefire symptom, as proven by the 1950s.





Well, AF finally came. I'm not pregnant (duh). The doctor started me on another round of Clomid and, like last time, it was horrible (refresher: Clomid is a medication to help encourage ovulation). The two biggest side effects I noticed were hot flashes and the inability to stay asleep.  The hot flashes were just beautiful little fairies that breathed the fire of a thousand hells on you at 3am.  But it's cool because you were already awake at 2am unable to go back to sleep until 15 minutes before you alarm was about to go off.  So that was convenient.  #sarcasm  Luckily that only lasts for 5 nights, but I want to publicly apologize to everyone I encountered on those 5 glorious days of fatigue and sweat stains (<--new band name, I call it).




I started doing ovulation testing Monday and today we got a big ol' smiley meaning I'm at my peak of ovulation.

So we are all set to try again with another IUI on Friday the 17th!