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As some of you may remember in a previous post (I Like My Men Like I Like My Beer: Chilled and in a Six Pack) we talked about choosing our donor...

So we ordered our donor sperm today.

Now all I have to do is keep working out to get into the BMI safe zone.

Continue do every weird recommendation the web tells me to do to bring on ovulation.

And wait for the the next cycle to start Clomid.

So This Uterus Walks Into a Bar...

Well, today we got up and went in for my hysteroscopy (the doctor thought he saw something on my HSG scans and wanted to rule out anything that needed to be surgically removed before we try).  I don't do well with waiting.  Particularly with some of the bad news we have encountered on our journey so far.  The night before the test I had crazy nightmares (mostly of the zombie nature- I blame that on Walking Dead's season premiere) and then I got "nervous tummy" which sounds cuter than it is- I still want anyone reading this to be able to look me in the eye.  I also got tense.

This test was one of the last hoops we have to jump through to ensure the "pipes are working", the "foundation is strong", the "recipe includes nutella".

What I imagine a uterus looks like.

After the doctor  Jacques Cousteau-ed my uterus (they take a camera up there and play paparazzi) he says, "Everything looks great.  You've got a beautiful uterus.
Perfect for hosting a baby."  Guys.  I really needed to hear that.  So.  We will now start clomid on my next cycle in a couple weeks and try our first insemination attempt. #wut




In the meantime we have two goals.
1. I need to lose the last few pounds that put me in the safe BMI zone.  More are welcome to relocate- but no relocating from my thighs to my ass.  Thunder is for the skies, not the thighs.  <rim shot>




2. Narrow down our donor options and order sperm.  We are really looking for someone who is tall and thin- let's fight genetics together. And has a healthy family history.  From there we'll decide what other factors are important.  Does the expanded profile say whether or not he's a Chenoweth fan?  #requirement

Guys.  Things are happening! #holler

I Would Have Bought Your Donor's Voice Recording, But I Spent All my Money at the Whole Foods Salad Bar

We've previously talked about how we are picking the sperm donor, but the Boston Globe posted an article yesterday that makes things a little more complicated. Basically the article is introducing a new optional procedure to test for 600 genetic childhood diseases. Great right? Sure.  But like most of us going through this journey it isn't like we can drop Benjamins like Big Papi drops home runs (sorry, the Red Sox are in the ALCS.  Any other time and I would know nothing about sports).  I think what the woman in the article went through is terrible, but it does point out another option/resource presented to you in this process that you have to budget for.... or not.  Let me lay out the numbers for you.

Doctor Visits (primary care, gyno, reproductive doc, etc)       $30 copay each time
So much poking and prodding.  But at least they call you the next day. <heyoo>

Testing & Meds (HSG, sonogram, blood tests, hysteroscopy, clomid, etc)  between $30 - $4,000

 **These can vary based upon your insurance coverage.  Simply call your company and they will provide all the answers <sarcasm>






OPK Kits    $22 for a pack of 100 little testing sticks - $36 for a the digital

I'll be honest- if you don't know me I am pretty cheap.  Most of the time I'll take "quality" over QUALITY if it saves me $5.  I also don't test well.  Meaning when I took the SATs in high school I took them 5 times. I'm not dumb, I just rationalize every possible option in a multiple choice.  So when presented with a stick that has two lines and if the lines are remotely dark in comparison you're

ovulating I have a panic attack.  Seriously.  You need a Pantone color swatch book.  "Shit.  I think Line 2 is

Cyan	4
Magenta	82
Yellow	26
Black	0

But Line one has darker tones of magenta?!?!!?"  Save yourself some time, stress and a graphic design degree and get the freakin' digital one.  It's either a circle or a smiley.  Or what I call the remedial OPK testing option.

Donor Sperm     $350-$1,000
We're talking reputable sperm here, people.  Our center works with about 15 different sperm banks around the country.  Meg, being the A+ student of the household, researched all of them and we narrowed our choice to one that will remain nameless here. It has a good amount of options (particularity since my CMV negative status narrows our options) and the pricing is reasonable (I already looked and they don't do Groupons).  We discovered along the way that some places even have bargain bins.... though this time, and I know this is a shock, even I will skip the clearance rack.  Other places, <cough, California, cough> offer "ad-ons" that you (no surprise) have to pay extra for.  Also, check out their donor search button....

Donor Information - Downloadable A La Carte Items
Handwriting Analysis	$20
Express Yourself	$20
Facial Features Report	$20
Donor Voice Recording	$20
Childhood Photo(s)	$20

And then there's shipping  for the sperm     $125-$340     & Storage      $450-$2,550

Blood Pregnancy Test     $70 each month (remember when they made me do one a week ago?!?)

As I've mentioned before, Meg is the planner in our family and, luckily, she builds in our savings from our budget.  There are a lot of pieces of this where you will be faced with financial options from "do we get a donor who looks like Taye Diggs?" to "do we spend a little more for additional testing?".  As long as they don't put these options in a multiple choice format I think we're gonna get through this.

Visualization of your bank account after all of this.

11 things you shouldn't ask a lesbian mom (or a lesbian who very much hopes to be a mom)

Posted by Meg (with Kate's feelings/responses in gifs)

Parents.com offers a witty list of 10 things you shouldn't ask a lesbian mom, which I'd like to share here as a friendly PSA to our loved ones about what you really should not ask us about our baby-making journey and our (hopeful/someday/pleasepleaseplease) baby.

1. Which one of you is the mother?

2. Who's the biological mother?

3. Where did you get the sperm?

4. Is the dad in your child's life?

5. What do you know about the sperm donor?

6. Isn't your child confused about what to call you?

7. Doesn't your child miss out on doing "dad" things, like playing ball and using tools?

8. What did you write under "Father" on your child's birth certificate?

9. Where is your child from?

10. Are you worried your child will get teased because you're gay?

I've added an 11th question, which unfortunately we've already been asked:

"What if you have a boy?" -Unidentified family member

I'm not sure if my jaw dropping to the table made it clear that this was a completely insane and inappropriate thing to ask us, and honestly I can't even remember how we answered. It was the first time someone we love asked us a truly offensive question, and unfortunately I'm sure it won't be the last time. But hopefully parents.com's "10 things you shouldn't ask a lesbian mom" can help.

Who's Yo Daddy? No, But Really.

My 6th grade Geography project.
We were asked to create our own
country and show rivers, towns, hills.
I made Streisland with the
Bay of Prince of Tides. #gay

Posted by Kate

As some of you know, I came out later than most of my homo friends (to be fair, most of my homo friends are Emerson College kids who were born from their mother's womb riding a unicorn with glitter flying out of their butt accompanied by a medley of Cher songs).  If you're new to this blog or are stuck on the MBTA red line I'll just point you to a post on my other blog titled There's Are ALWAYS Signs: How to Tell If Your Child is Gayer Than a Clutch Purse on Tony Night.  So.  I dated men for some time.  I am not a Gold Star Lesbian (click here if this isn't in your everyday vernacular).  Add to it that we are in the final stages of searching for a sperm.  Having to look at men, understand their family history, and imagine what our combined genetics might look like is bringing back dusty old memories of dates where my flirting was utter proof that I would have been a horrible actress.  Imagine me, in a dress, flirting with a frat boy.  Not. Pretty.  Hil. Arious.  We touched briefly on the path we were taking toward choosing a donor in a previous post (I Like My Men Like I Like My Beer: Chilled and in a Six Pack), but as we get closer to the place where we will have to narrow down "Mr. Tubular" we get their hair color, eye color, ethnicity, education, family history, hobbies... So Meg and I decided to tell this story like a game of "Guess Who?".

Kid, in our world it's ALWAYS a Mary.

We had several sperm banks to choose from, based on a list provided to us by our fertility clinic. One of the options (that we did not choose) is the California Cryobank which offers the option of searching for sperm by celebrity look-a-like. Want your sperm donor to look like Brad Pitt? No problem. Welcome to the vortex of time suckage as you hit up that site for hours.  Some of the celebrity look-a-like options are fantastic, handsome, talented men I would LOVE for my kid to look like (Taye Diggs- we all dig you).  Then there are some "celeb" donors that give you the same awkward feeling you get when you watch a drunk girl try to dance at a wedding.

Examples:
Ryan Lochte.  This is all I can imagine:



                   









Or Owen Wilson:











Or maybe on the positive side, dream of dreams, an NPH baby:




So, to give props to our town of Boston, let's say we chose to look at donor 132 *(number changed for privacy) who is described to look like Mark Wahlberg.  His mini-bio reads: "With a list of hobbies that includes beat boxing..." We're just gonna stop right there.  And for an additional $250 you can get a childhood photo and a voice recording.  The last thing I want to know is if voice box matches the beat box.

In all honesty, we didn't go with California Cryobank because the celebrity look-a-like feature felt so cheesy. On top of that, they charge you for each and every little thing. Want a childhood photo? $50 please. Want to hear the man's voice (PS, no thanks)? That's $100. Personally, that didn't feel good to us.

Now back on the lighter side, let's take look at some of the donors that exist out there:

Blonde hair, blue eyes, 5'5", fair skin.
Message to recipient: DON’T WAIT FOR OPPORTUNITIES TO HAPPEN, MAKE OPPORTUNITIES HAPPEN!! OR, “LIFE’S A GARDEN, DIG IT!”

Caucasian.  175lbs.  BU student in the Grad School of Fine Arts.

I am a healthy person whose only bad habit is eating too much candy.

Kate: Ok, he's actually pretty cool.  Except for the pornstache.

Brown Hair, O+, loves golfing.
Why did you decide to donate? Because I heard it was good money.  And I want to spread my superior genes.

Kate and Meg:  Our yeah, we can't wait to tell our future child this.

So picking our donor kinda feels like being set up on a blind date.  But the best part is I don't have to make small talk with him, I don't have to pretend he's cute and more importantly I get the girl in the end.

Why We Choose To Blog

Meg's Perspective:
Are you wondering why we chose to share the details of this otherwise personal process with, well, basically anyone with a computer and internet access (or mooching off of internet access)

For more please visit my tumblr:
http://idtapintothat.tumblr.com/ (end shameless plug)

?
I’ll admit, as the pragmatic half of this duo, I questioned how wise it was to embark on this blogging adventure. In the end though, I think it will be a cathartic process for us, an easy way to keep our friends/family up to date on the process, and perhaps most importantly- a resource for other couples who will take this journey after us.

When we started thinking about making a family, we had many, many questions and since this is 2013, we naturally turned to the interwebs for answers. Considering it’s 2013, it was harder to find blogs with personal accounts of the two-mom insemination process than I would have thought. There are a fair number of blogs about heterosexual women experiencing infertility, which is at the same time similar and completely different from what we’re about to do. So I agreed to let Kate blog about all this...and as it turns out, I’m even blogging myself.

Here are some other lesbian mom-to-be blogs we’ve found entertaining and educational:

http://twomomsmakearight.com/

http://lesbianbabymaker.wordpress.com/

http://andbabymakes3hopefully.wordpress.com/

http://areyoumymoms.wordpress.com

Kate’ perspective:

I agree with Meg that there isn't enough lesbian perspective out there, in a mom-to-be way.  I also think the bog makes it easier to keep friends and family informed of how things are going.  There are going to be some topics that are easier to blog/talk about than others, but I think it's the best way to tell everyone the full story.  I think most people are used to just hearing me tell long-winded stories and I can vouch that I probably forget 42% of everything that happened, locations sometimes change and somehow Tina Fey

becomes a part of the discussion.  Nothing wrong with that, but Meg's POV usually helps to clear those up so.... voila.  Also, Tina Fey stays in. Always.

There are so many things we want to know.  Others who have gone through the process.  What were all the steps like?  How did you know which donor to choose?  How do you tell people?  How do you tell the child?  What should we tell the child to call us?  What if my child comes out and doesn't like showtunes? These things matter, people!