I Never Knew Paranoia Until I Was 4 weeks Pregnant

Hey team.  So now that the glitter has settled on the floor... oh, I'm sorry... you haven't heard?

Meg's aunt knitted
this baby hat in a day y'all

First of all, thank you for all of your congratulations and well wishes! We're really touched. We know that pregnancies typically aren't announced until after 12+ weeks (the risk of loss reduces after the 1st trimester), but when we decided to start this blog we knew we would need to make this announcement early.  It's something we really gave a lot of thought to before even starting this blog. As we've said before, 50% of this blog is to keep friends and family up-to-date on our process, 50% to educate and 15% to peddle my humor.   I'm also bad at math.  Anyway, we feel like we're all in this together now! That being said, we are optimistically holding our breath until each update from our RE and soon our OBGYN.

So, with that said, let's go back to last week.  Tuesday was 10 DPIUI and that morning I caved and took a First Response Early Results pregnancy test. I looked at the test mentally telling myself, "You're not out of the game yet if it's negative... it's still early."  I picked it up and I saw the slightest line.  I ran around trying to look at it in different light and took 800 pictures altering it with different photo filters. #crazypants, but there was something there. Meg was already on her way to work, so I texted a picture to her and then it hit me... I took a 250mg HCG trigger shot 10 days previous.  What if this positive is really just reading the remainder of the HCG in my system.  Thus began a Google frenzy of epic proportions.  Even though the internet pretty solidly confirmed that all of the HCG from the shot was out of my system, I got so little sleep.  Can't drink and can't pop <sleeping> pills.  The things you do for love.

The next morning I got up and tested again- this time the line was little darker... it should get lighter if it was only the trigger shot leaving my system right?  Another day of obsessive Googling- trigger shot Hcg leaves your system with a half life of about 24 hours.  So technically it should have been out of my system after 7 days post trigger shot and we were at 13.  We had 2 more days to wait for blood work and you know what that means?  Yeah I gotta buy more pregnancy tests.  Don't worry Dad, I found coupons online.  Thursday I woke up at 1am and HAD to go to the bathroom.  I actually had to go a lot more lately and I didn't want to think that it was a good sign.  That same day I started to break out like I was back in middle school again- minus the track suit and mimicking my eye make-up after Barbra Streisand circa "Funny Girl".  Since I did get up and go to the bathroom in the middle of the night, I felt my FMU (firs morning's urine) wasn't "potent" enough and that may have caused the line that showed up to not be *much darker* than the day before.  HcG should double every 48 hours.  Friday we had a blood test, but you know I had to test at home before heading to the doctor (thanks for not thinking I'm crazy Meg or, at least, not saying it out loud). Friday morning we got solid two dark lines on one test and a positive digital test, too! 5 Excruciating hours later, the doctor confirmed that the blood test results were also positive.

So.  Our families are ELATED, but they're in the same cautiously optimistic boat we're in. So

prayers/good thoughts/theme related showtune mix tapes are welcome as we get through the next few crucial weeks. This morning I went back to the RE for follow-up blood tests to make sure my HCG levels are doubling as they should. More on that later.

Right now: I could sleep at any and every moment of the day.

I have so much make-up on my face covering my pregnancy related acne that it's become the consistency of spackle.

 And I want to eat all the time.

Our family surprised us with
our first baby gifts (that sonograph is somebody else's baby. 
Creepy, but also sweet.)

And the Vial Made Three

It has been confirmed by a gajillion home pregnancy tests (I have a pee on a stick problem) and bloodwork!

Also Pictured: My morning hair

Us, the results and the vial.

More details after we cool our shit.

And now a series of celebratory gifs entitled "Y'all Have No Idea How Long I've Been Building This Arsenal of Gems":

XOXO,

K + M

TWW From a Wife's POV & Why Craft Store Stocks Shot Up

Posted by Meg:

As I often say to Kate in situations that are not at all about me: “Not to make this all about me, but…”

Now that our first two week wait (TWW) is almost over, I thought I would share what it’s like from the partner’s perspective. Though we’ve been approaching this process and this blog with levity, this stuff

really isn’t that much fun and this post probably won’t be funny. I hope that it will be not be too much of a downer and that other partners of women trying to conceive might find it informative.

During this TTC (trying to conceive) process, and often in our relationship, Kate is the doer and I am the thinker. I will research and buy the chairs, she will put them together. I will research and plan out a trip, she will buy the tickets and book the cab to the airport. In the case of our TTC journey, she has

gone through a battery of tests, gotten inseminated and (fingers crossed) will get pregnant and carry our baby. In the meantime, I have done the research. I thoroughly scoped out Kate’s insurance coverage, our sperm bank options, and most importantly, our sperm donor choices. I like having a purpose in this process, because what else can I really do? I can’t endure the tests in Kate’s place, I can’t pee on the ovulation strips day in and day out for her, and sadly I cannot provide her with sperm (darn). What I can do is research.

So what’s an analytical girl like me to do during the TWW?  There are many, many things to scrutinize (Is a headache a pregnancy symptom? Is she extra sleepy because she’s pregnant or because she’s just...ya know...tired? Was that a twinge? What does a twinge mean?? Etc.), but there’s really not a lot to research. Trying to research the previously mentioned  “symptoms” via the internet will not help. I repeat: WILL NOT HELP. Does that stop us? Of course not. But for the sake of anyone in the TWW there are no definitive symptoms.  None.  You just have to wait.

Since Kate is actually feeling each of the symptoms (or lack thereof), it’s impossible for her to stop thinking about it. She tosses and turns at night, she’s distracted at work, she is always thinking about it. This is natural, I suppose. I, on the other hand, physically feel nothing and I am quite sure I am not pregnant. This, and perhaps my A-type personality, make it easier for me to compartmentalize and block out some of the obsessive thoughts/guessing/wondering/anticipating that would otherwise take over my brain. For this coping mechanism I am both grateful and guilt ridden. If she can’t sleep at night, why should I? If she is overcome with worry, shouldn’t I also be hashing out every possible scenario? Kate would surely say no, that it’s a good thing that I can put it out of my mind sometimes, but to me it doesn’t always feel good.

Instead of thinking about it, I try to distract Kate with crafting projects, TV marathons and house-cleaning endeavors (unexpected bonus?), but mostly I just feel completely useless. That’s the thing nobody tells you when your partner is trying to get pregnant (ok, there are lots of things). You will feel useless. You will, in fact, be mostly useless. I can research, I can distract, I can support and love and nurture. But I can’t make the TWW any easier for her. That’s the truth, and it stinks. I’m ever so hopeful that this is our first and last two week wait, but I realize that is unlikely. Wow this post has gotten long. In short, this process is much, much harder for the person actually trying to get pregnant, but it comes with a host of challenges for the partner as well.