Becoming a Parent, Legally.

Since my post on "paternity" leave was popular, we also wanted to talk about the extra steps we will have to take to ensure I am officially recognized as Ella's parent.

Here's a little 411 on the situation. Since we are lucky enough to be legally married in the state of Massachusetts and our anonymous donor relinquished his parental rights way before we ever had anything to do with his DNA, I am automatically considered Ella's second parent because I'm married to her biological mother. This would be the case even if I was a man, married to a woman who was impregnated with donor sperm (or sperm from a man who relinquished his rights). Anyway, I'm on Ella's birth certificate so that's all good. I carry her birth certificate with me all the time, just in case. Do I wish I didn't have to? Yes. Am I grateful that I can? Yes.

Sometimes, what gay rights feel like...

The problem is that not every state and country recognizes our marriage, therefore they might not recognize my parental status either. If we were traveling to or through a state in which our marriage isn't recognized and (God forbid) something happened to Kate, I would technically have no right to Ella. This sounds crazy, but if you look around the internet just a little bit, you'll find lots of horror stories. Most of these stories include crazy grandparents who refuse to let the non-bio mom have custody of the child, which I'm quite sure would not happen in my case, but if it comes down to a time sensitive decision, I want to be the one to make it, no questions asked. I should also say that we have wills in place that would make all of this clear, regardless of my legal status. We feel like we just can't be too careful.

Enter the second parent adoption (SPA). Thankfully, with a little bit of paperwork and a couple of bucks for a notary, I can complete a petition to adopt Ella. Here's a public service announcement for any other same sex parents out there- you don't need a lawyer to complete a SPA. Save yourself the couple thousand dollars in fees (!!) and fill out the paperwork yourself. It's really not that hard. A lawyer I contacted about doing it for us told me, honestly, we didn't need him. Now if a lawyer is telling you that you don't need a lawyer...

So anyway, we're almost done getting all the paperwork together and we'll submit it to the courts ASAP and get a hearing date a few weeks after that. I am both grateful to have the opportunity to

adopt Ella and heartsick that I have to. From the first moment I met her there was no doubt in my mind: she is mine, I am hers. I assume her adoption day will feel like any other day in the life we share together (eat, poop, sleep), except afterwards we could travel to Kentucky together, if we so chose. Yee-haw!

Fairy Godfathers & Week 26 update

Our Fairy Godfathers: You Know Our Baby Is Always Gonna Look Good

Meg and I are very lucky to have an amazing network of friends.  And when it came time to think of who we would like to be BGC's godfather(s) we both had the same thought- these two homos.
Kyle is Meg's good friend from high school (and prom date x2) and Tommy is his husband (it's been almost a year since the wedding!).  They both took part in our wedding- Tommy sang and Kyle spoke.

We figured our daughter would have plenty of mothers, so two godfathers fit the bill. And we knew these two had to be a special part of our daughter's life.  So, since we agreed it should be them- the next question was how do we ask them in a fashion that is befitting to our fabulousness?  We thought about a nice keychain so they could always have a little reminder of her with them- but I felt fairly sure that gay men prefer a slim key ring so they don't bulge in their pockets- tacky.  Then we thought- shirts! I started researching and, not so surprisingly, there are really not a lot of "fairy godfather" shirts out there. So I decided I would just make ours online.  The first idea I saw was perfect... to us... but we weren't quite sure people would get the reference.

How gay Godfather's judge
your baby's outfit

We also wanted it to be something they would actually wear.  So, of course, I thought: FITTED TANK TOP.  I found a site that sold "men's fitted tank tops" with design options and they offered pink glittery ink. Jackpot. We had dinner (Boston Market cause we're classy) on the roof deck of their amazing Boston condo and popped the question. Tommy (our little softy) got a little teary and Kyle (our little diva) said, "I was hoping you'd ask me."  They accepted and we are delighted that our daughter will have these amazing men to support her, love her and steer her clear of any fashion faux pas.

Baby Curtis Update

Trying to turn over in bed with a pregnancy belly

Although the books say I should have gained 16-20 pounds I am still down from my pre-pregnancy weight.  Not that I am complaining.  AT ALL.  But it is amazing that, despite the weight loss, I feel heavier and more awkward.  Not that I was the epitome of grace before I was pregnant.  I could fall down from a seated position on the floor.  But now, getting up from any low sitting surface looks like a contemporary dance move.  I have the beginnings of an epic stomach shelf and I'm starting to feel so big that when I haul ass I have to take two trips.  And we're only at week 27!  And I'm always hungry.

We had an appointment with our current OB/GYN (she's leaving the practice and we have to choose a new one).  All is well with BGC, I have developed a pregnancy related allergy to chapstick and we have started the THIRD TRIMESTER! Wow, where did the time go? We have an ultrasound on August 25- stay tuned for an update.

Ovulation Testing: You'll Study More Than You Did for the LSAT

Starting on day 3 of my cycle they had me start taking Clomid (what that experience was like):

Kate sees this: 

Then she starts to do this:

Then on day 10 (today) they will have me start testing for ovulation.

You can test every 4 hours which means I'm gonna spend a lot of time in the bathroom at work and most likely will become "that girl".

Most tests take 3-5 minutes to show results.  So to anyone entering the stall next to me and leaving before I do, it will appear that we were in a (to quote my cousin) "poop off".  My co-worker said I need a separate pair of nondescript shoes to wear when I go take a test... or I could suspend my feet off the floor.  It'll be great for my abs.

You have to catch it at the right moment AND be able to read the ROYGBIV color spectrum that is the testing strip.  Let me lay it out for you...

You also can't provide too much of a sample as it will null the test.  Or if you get a dud tester you have to wait another 4 hours.







Women have, typically, a 24 hour window for when an egg is released and able to be fertilized.  So you have to test and test as you patiently wait for the quasi-matching lines to appear- sometimes asking complete strangers their opinion while showing them a poorly lit picture you took on your iPhone. (Not me, specifically, but I've heard).  As soon as we get a positive, we'll call the clinic (must be before noon so the sperm can defrost.... I will never be able to defrost chicken the same again) and go in the next morning for insemination.  Not only will we have a short amount of time, but so will the sperm.  Fresh sperm (ew) can live in a woman's body for up to 5 days.  Frozen sperm only has 2 days, max.  I really hope someone reading this right now wins final Jeopardy with the above facts because that would make my damn day.  The one advantage we do get is that we are doing IUI so the donation is placed directly into the uterus (or my Bea-uterus- thank you Brian D. aka future manny) so it "bypasses getting stuck on Storrow and just takes the Pike" (Mass-holes get it).  I can only describe this process as such:

Thunder is For the Skies, Not For the Thighs: Reaching My Safe BMI Goal

I HIT MY GOAL WEIGHT

So next steps:

1. Keep losing so planets don't orbit me (see routine below- who' in?)

2. Await my next cycle (hopefully in a couple days) to start Clomid

3. First try (hopefully) in 2 weeks

Weight & Pregnancy, or The Curse of the Junk In the Trunk

So as we have discussed before weight is a factor in a successful pregnancy (duh).  So with me "passing inspection" this is the last hurdle.  Fertility clinics have strict rules about BMI (this was one of the 'rules' clinics have accepting you as a patient) and, despite the fact you can be in pretty great health- weight withstanding, they can decline to inseminate you if you are not at or under the BMI cap.  I have been a "big kid" as a child, a "fat girl" as a teen and "heavy woman" as an adult.  Losing weight hasn't been easy for me and, granted, until I was 20-ish I thought potatoes were considered a vegetable... ...

I have, approx, 40 days to lose 6 pounds to get to the weight my fertility doc said I  would need to be to be approved to do insemination according to the clinic rules.  And it's not just about weight loss.  I also need to maintain my vitamin levels (I've been dissing Vitamin D), keep an eye my thyroid, balance new natural vitamins to help with LH (I read an article that says a natural way of helping increase progesterone/Lutenizing Hormones/lengthening your Luteal Stage (the part where your woman parts prepare for the baby bean drops itself like it's hot).  I'm on a cocktail of vitamins and will start taking Clomid soon.  Sorry everyone for the things I do and say- it is not me speaking, it's a concoction of random chemically induced personalities from a range of Tammy Faye Baker to Chris Brown.

But I've also started working out more.  And by more I mean at all.
I've been doing 45+ minutes a day of cardio for 6 days a week.  I also restricted my diet to no gluten,

no unnatural sugars, no sweets, limited cheese, reduced carbs, and maybe 1 drink a week (if I do it's 1 gin and diet tonic).  Now I know what you're thinking and I already left a message for the good folks at Franzia  so it doesn't throw off their inventory.  Most of the time I feel ok, but I don't look forward to eating.  I see my 134,985th day of salads in a row and there's only so much you can do to make a salad appetizing before it crosses the line into taco salad (just because it has lettuce doesn't make it a salad).  Meg and I were on a walk last night and I legit spent a quarter of a mile talking about fried mozzarella sticks and loaded potato skins like I was performing a live reading of "50 Shades of Gray".

Me Trying to Learn ANY Choreography.

 People at work have been telling me to change things up and join a gym with classes.  Then you can transition into pregnancy workout classes then post-pregnancy workout classes.  I am not good at attending classes.  Group workouts stress me out and I am part of the rhythm-less nation and I inevitably will harm myself/classmate/aerobic equipment with what should have been a Burpee and ended up being a Fartee or a downward facing dog that spirals into sideways falling Kate.  Then there are the people telling me to do Zumba.... have you seen me dance at a wedding?  I come prepared with "I'm sorry I kicked you in the face.  I blame Wine and Cher."

How I Feel When I Leave the Gym.

So, I've got 6 pounds to get to the weight my doctor wants me to be at so the clinic will allow the insemination.  Of course I want to lose more, but eye on the prize kids.

The below has nothing to do with this post, other than further proof I was a butterball of a kid, but I found it while looking at childhood photos.

Foreshadowing?

This Is Really Gonna Jack Up My Gmail Ads

As some of you may remember in a previous post (I Like My Men Like I Like My Beer: Chilled and in a Six Pack) we talked about choosing our donor...

So we ordered our donor sperm today.

Now all I have to do is keep working out to get into the BMI safe zone.

Continue do every weird recommendation the web tells me to do to bring on ovulation.

And wait for the the next cycle to start Clomid.

My Damn Ovaries, Not a 19th Century French Novel

I'm going to be honest, I could probably name off every book I've ever read cover to cover.  Not because I'm a bibliophile, but because I have a hard time reading.  I WANT to love to read, but unless it's a teen dystopian book, a series on symbols/catholic corruption or anything by Lois Lowry ("Number the

Artist Rendering of Kate Attempting
to Read This Damn Book

Stars" is the best book ever) I probably Cliff Noted the crap out of it.  I get distracted.  So, to explain the title of this post... I was supposed to read the most boring book known to man (Flaubert's "Madame Bovary") in high school, but couldn't get past the ISBN number page at the beginning.  I would only read this if placed in a situation where the options were: 1. Read this old long ass book or 2. Listen to Ann Coulter (which, by the way, the first options you get when you Google her name is "Ann Coulter racist", "Ann Coulter net worth").  So I 'Spark Notes'-ed it and gave it a witty new title- "My Damn Ovaries".  Little did I know how relevant the facetious title would become to my own life. This brings us to the next step in OBM (Operation Baby Makin').  I know I take a while to make a point, but the journey is fun and I get you there eventually so shut up.


So, we last left off with the final tests done and we had an appointment with our reproductive doctor on Tuesday.  The night before the appointment Meg and I were on a walk discussing what we thought we would cover in the appointment. After each test, the nurse or tech told me that everything looked good, so my guess was that we would get a ballpark date for our first insemination and get the form to order sperm. We both let our minds wander to the 'worse case' scenario which we thought would be the doctor requiring us to do a couple more months of tracking because my cycle is unpredictable. We couldn't imagine having to wait until month. Now, I know this blog was started for the purposes of providing information about same sex couples having a baby as well as a way to keep friends/family up-to-date (and for me to have an outlet for my wit so Meg doesn't have to hear the same jokes over and over again), but lez (see what I did there?) be honest- not everything is going to be rainbows, sunshine and Kristin Chenoweth.  Forgive me for not diving into some things as much as others- and I bet you're probably grateful for that when it comes to the biology parts.  Am I right, boys (wait- do we know any boys?)?

Here's the truth. Our appointment on Tuesday was hard to sit through.  We sat down with the doctor and he began to go over some of the tests.  It turns the techs and nurses were not quite telling us the whole truth. I do have a significant number of ovarian follicles (a good thing), but they were all around the outer area of the ovaries instead of in the center (a not so good thing).  We were told that this is a classic symptom of PCOS, or Polycystic ovary syndrome.  Other symptoms are difficulty losing weight and abnormal menstral cycles, both of which I experience.  Other symptoms (that I don't have) are diabetes, high cholesterol, etc.  Something like 1 in 10 women have PCOS, and plenty of them get pregnant, but there's no doubt that this makes things a little more...complicated.

The doctor took blood to test my hormone levels which will likely confirm the PCOS diagnosis.  As I write this I am staring at my phone waiting for them to call to tell us the results. Either way, there is a plan in place to move forward. I personally feel that this isn't a huge blow as I don't have the other 2 symptoms that are more risks to health and the doctor didn't seem to present it as a big deal.  However, and I'll try to keep this light, finding out there's yet another speed bump in our baby making journey (the most obvious being that we lack sperm!) I feel like this.

I was also told that there was a 'shadow'  found on my uterus during the HSG (aka medical medieval Pilates in your bathing suit area) so we will have to 'Innerspace' me. If you haven't seen this cinematic gem get thee to a $5 bargain bin at your local car wash to see Meg Ryan in rare form.

So.  In the next 3 weeks there will be some testing to make sure the 'foundation is solid'. This puts our first insemination off to at least November. We might post more about this in the coming days, but then again, we might not. It's hard, y'all.

But on a lighter note that means I get to enjoy the open bars to the fullest at the 3, count 'em, 3 same sex weddings we are attending in the next month.

After a Challenging Day of Cat Care, Meg Had 2 Drinks & Decided to Go to CVS Without a Bra On

Post by Meg (with gif interpretation by Kate)

What are you usually doing at 8:45pm on a rainy Thursday night?



If you’re anything like me, you‘d be walking to CVS in your pajamas after a stressful day (and a gin and tonic) to buy ovulation predictor kits (OPKs) for your wife. Wait…that’s not what most people do on Thursday nights?

So anyway, I walk into CVS and scan the aisle signs until I see “family planning.” That seems to be a natural place for OPKs to live, right? I walk by baby formula, baby thermometers, baby bottles and baby powder. Hmm…if you already have the baby, aren’t you kind of done with family planning?

It's a stretch to make this apply to scouring the aisles of CVS, but I (Kate) felt it needed to be on our site.

I come to the end of the aisle where I assume they must hide away the OPKs and right under the

“family planning” sign is, drum roll please…condoms. Now, I know I’m hardly an expert on condoms, but I at least understand that people use condoms when they’re planning NOT to have a family. The sign should actually read “Family Prevention.”

Kate's interpretation of what she thought Meg wanted to do to whomever designed the CVS layout.

In the end, I found the OPKs (which, by the way, are outrageously expensive), in the “Feminine care” aisle next to pregnancy tests, basal body thermometers and prenatal vitamins. Not that any of those things would be useful for family planning….