Hormones- Am I Right?

Hey team.  First of all, thank you all so much for your support through all of this.  Really.  You're all gems.

So where did we leave off? In mid-December we got a BFN (big fat negative) on our first pregnancy test and had great plans to hit the 3-buck chuck and chicken wings hard.  Mission Accomplished.  We were then waiting for my next cycle to begin so we can start the OBM (operation baby makin') process all over again.  Problem was, Aunt Flo was nowhere to be found.  I called the reproductive clinic and they had me come in for blood work.  They informed me that certain hormone levels were raised and their assumption was that I had a functioning cyst.  This would postpone a cycle from starting and is commonly tied to fertility drugs.  After failing my first attempt at conceiving the last thing I wanted to hear was, "Just keep waiting."

Then, as we all commonly do when you receive medical news, I started researching the crap out of it- despite the fact that I've clearly learned that the web is a vortex of self-proclaimed authorities who couldn't find correct grammar with a follow-spot and a SEAL team.  With absolutely no self-control I then started looking for "natural" ways to help kick start things.  I firmly believe we could all make our millions putting colored flour in a capsule, titling it with a name that ends with a legit medical sound - fakermine - and saying it promotes "fertile wellness."

Simulation of Kate waiting.

A week later there was still no sign of AF so I called the clinic again.  I was told, again, to keep waiting.  It was now calendar day 46 and no period in sight.  So I called again (they're so sick of hearing from me) and the nurse scheduled me for more blood work on January 6th.  She said that she suspected, since I still hadn't gotten my period, that I actually hadn't ovulated at all and that my positive OPK result was due to the Clomid hormones.  Crap. What a waste of very expensive sperm, not to mention my sanity. Then yesterday I was out running errands and it happened.  <woohoo> Never in my life have I been so excited to get my period.

And, in typical Kate fashion, I called and left a message at the clinic promising baked goods and inappropriate humor to whomever called me back to talk next steps.  Poor Nurse Becky called me back this morning and said that since I did start my cycle they believe I did ovulate (phew) and that it isn't uncommon for women on Clomid to have elongated cycles as the drug stimulates (heh) follicles encouraging ovulation and some get hyper-stimulated resulting in a functioning cyst.  It's the cyst that then starts producing a constant stream of estrogen and only when it stops will your cycle begin.  And so after this female reproductive PSA nugget I just dropped on you I also was inspired to make you this:

So, what's next? Well, more waiting. I'll start taking Clomid again tomorrow night and start testing for ovulation on day 10 of my cycle. If this all goes similarly to how it went last time, we'll be inseminating again around January 18th/19th. Stay tuned, folks. 

11 things you shouldn't ask a lesbian mom (or a lesbian who very much hopes to be a mom)

Posted by Meg (with Kate's feelings/responses in gifs)

Parents.com offers a witty list of 10 things you shouldn't ask a lesbian mom, which I'd like to share here as a friendly PSA to our loved ones about what you really should not ask us about our baby-making journey and our (hopeful/someday/pleasepleaseplease) baby.

1. Which one of you is the mother?

2. Who's the biological mother?

3. Where did you get the sperm?

4. Is the dad in your child's life?

5. What do you know about the sperm donor?

6. Isn't your child confused about what to call you?

7. Doesn't your child miss out on doing "dad" things, like playing ball and using tools?

8. What did you write under "Father" on your child's birth certificate?

9. Where is your child from?

10. Are you worried your child will get teased because you're gay?

I've added an 11th question, which unfortunately we've already been asked:

"What if you have a boy?" -Unidentified family member

I'm not sure if my jaw dropping to the table made it clear that this was a completely insane and inappropriate thing to ask us, and honestly I can't even remember how we answered. It was the first time someone we love asked us a truly offensive question, and unfortunately I'm sure it won't be the last time. But hopefully parents.com's "10 things you shouldn't ask a lesbian mom" can help.

Why We Choose To Blog

Meg's Perspective:
Are you wondering why we chose to share the details of this otherwise personal process with, well, basically anyone with a computer and internet access (or mooching off of internet access)

For more please visit my tumblr:
http://idtapintothat.tumblr.com/ (end shameless plug)

?
I’ll admit, as the pragmatic half of this duo, I questioned how wise it was to embark on this blogging adventure. In the end though, I think it will be a cathartic process for us, an easy way to keep our friends/family up to date on the process, and perhaps most importantly- a resource for other couples who will take this journey after us.

When we started thinking about making a family, we had many, many questions and since this is 2013, we naturally turned to the interwebs for answers. Considering it’s 2013, it was harder to find blogs with personal accounts of the two-mom insemination process than I would have thought. There are a fair number of blogs about heterosexual women experiencing infertility, which is at the same time similar and completely different from what we’re about to do. So I agreed to let Kate blog about all this...and as it turns out, I’m even blogging myself.

Here are some other lesbian mom-to-be blogs we’ve found entertaining and educational:

http://twomomsmakearight.com/

http://lesbianbabymaker.wordpress.com/

http://andbabymakes3hopefully.wordpress.com/

http://areyoumymoms.wordpress.com

Kate’ perspective:

I agree with Meg that there isn't enough lesbian perspective out there, in a mom-to-be way.  I also think the bog makes it easier to keep friends and family informed of how things are going.  There are going to be some topics that are easier to blog/talk about than others, but I think it's the best way to tell everyone the full story.  I think most people are used to just hearing me tell long-winded stories and I can vouch that I probably forget 42% of everything that happened, locations sometimes change and somehow Tina Fey

becomes a part of the discussion.  Nothing wrong with that, but Meg's POV usually helps to clear those up so.... voila.  Also, Tina Fey stays in. Always.

There are so many things we want to know.  Others who have gone through the process.  What were all the steps like?  How did you know which donor to choose?  How do you tell people?  How do you tell the child?  What should we tell the child to call us?  What if my child comes out and doesn't like showtunes? These things matter, people!

CMV, CVS & OPP: We're Down With Them All

If there’s one thing most people know about me (and this is Meg "speaking"), it’s that I’m terribly impatient. After our last appointment, we had to wait a full week before calling in to find out the results of our blood tests. I realize this is just the tip of the iceberg in terms of waiting- I hear the “two week wait” is truly agonizing. That's the two weeks between an insemination and being able to take a

pregnancy test. I’m sure you’ll all have the pleasure of hearing me lament about that later.

Anyway, a week after our initial appointment, Kate called RSC to find out about our blood tests. I still can’t believe I had to have blood tests at all, as the non-bio Mom. I guess it’s important to make sure I’m free of infectious disease just in case we contract a disease later from our baby. The blood tests give us proof that we were initially disease-free. We were assured this was just a precaution and very rarely happens. Anyway, we “passed” this first round of blood test and learned a couple things that will impact our sperm donor choose.

#1- Kate has a positive blood type, which means our sperm donor can have a positive or negative blood type. That’s good as it keeps our options a little more open.

Seeing as how the V.P. is such a V.I.P.,
shouldn't we keep the P.C.
on the Q.T.? 'Cause if it leaks
to the V.C. he could end up M.I.A.,
and then we'd all be put out in K.P.

#2- Kate and I are both negative for CMV. If you’re like me, you have no idea what this means or why it matters. According to stopcmv.org, Cytomegalovirus (CMV) is a common virus that infects people of all ages and is usually harmless to people with a healthy immune system. Most people have been exposed to CMV at some point in their lifetime without realizing it. Something like 80% of women in the United States have had CMV and would therefore test positive. Oddly enough, both Kate and I are negative. What this means is that we have to choose a sperm donor who is also negative (aka: has never had this extremely common virus). That narrows our options considerably.

#3- Kate has slightly low Vitamin D levels. Don’t we all nowadays? No biggie- we stocked up on

supplements with a buy-one-get-one coupon from CVS (Chuck- aren’t you proud of us???)

Kate's Artist Rendering of Fallopian Tubes

So our next steps are to get a few more tests that need to happen at a certain point in Kate’s cycle. I can’t even remember what they are- something about how many egg follicles are visible and if her fallopian tubes are free flowing. None of that is medically correct, but close enough. Those tests will hopefully occur over the next 2-4 weeks. Assuming we get the green light on all of those tests, we’ll go forward with choosing a sperm 



donor (Kate: don't you worry, we're gonna blog the crap out of that experience) and hopefully do our first insemination in...October? November? Stay tuned....

It All Begins With An Appointment

OK kids.  Let's discuss the birds and the bees.  I grew up Catholic so my view is that intercourse isn't needed and our version of birth control is prayer.  But let's add a little color to it.  How about a rainbow? (gay puns will be aplenty in this blog) When a woman and a woman meet and really love each other and they have a savings with a semi decent APY and live in a state that legalizes something that even a queen (I'm speaking of the one not dressed in drag) agrees is a human right come together with an anonymous tube (#science) and procreate.  That's our version.

Baby Makin': Let Me Google That For You

I met my wife in 2008 when I moved to Boston to run a box office for a theater in the city.  Let me set the scene. My now wife, Meg, was an intern, I was the boss...it's not as scandalous as it sounds, but this makes for a better story!  We were married September of 2011 and both agreed we wanted a family, but outside of our 20lb cat Batman (I call him Fatman, see left) & Tucker (not pictured as the only pic I have at the ready is of him almost crying because he ate the fly he was chasing and was then confused where it went) we had never scratched the surface beyond names we loved or the fact I was going to raise said kid exposed to hefty daily doses of showtunes from womb to whenever they move out from under my roof.  We are finally in a place in life where we have relatively well paying jobs that don't require the skills of MacGyver  to survive on the daily- lookin' at you non-profit arts jobs.  And are ready to support the life of something that can barely support itself- lookin' at myself.  Before Meg I would have probably lived off of Panera Asiago Cheese bagels & Trader Joe's $3 Chuck merlot.  This decision, to start the Curtis Posse, began with a lot of research. I kind of laugh at because I am not the researcher in our marriage.  Meg can take a task, parse out the phases, make lists and timelines to meet each step, track a budget and deliver on time.  I come in with appetizers, wine and technology needs.

I sat down to begin the process and then it hit me.  How does one even begin this?  What are the words I am even going to Google?  Is this going to totally turn my Gmail ads/Facebook ads into the digital marketing equivalent of sketchy van offering free candy?  Don't look at my Google history- not just because of the journey I took in researching, but you would be disgusted by all the words I have to Google how to spell.  Including disgusted.  I started out looking for blogs by others who had gone through this process.  And, although, there are a lot I wasn't getting all of my questions answered.  So, this is one of the main reasons for this blog.  I hope we can answer the questions others may have as they begin their journey to baby-dom and I hope that y'all will follow our story.  I also hope to make people laugh, get a book deal and possibly meet Tina Fey.

Priorities.