Testosterone-y, the Real San Francisco Treat

Let's all learn this dance.

First, some good news.  I got a call today informing me about my Free Testosterone Level (a major symptom of PCOS) and it was normal.  If you need to catch up please refer to My Damn Ovaries, Not a 19th Century French Novel.

Normally, with PCOS, one would have issues with cycles, depression, thinning hair, diabetes, high cholesterol, acne and issues

with weight/losing weight.  PCOS is kind of like, your womanly hormones say, "I want babies!" and your testosterone hormones say, "I kind of like a little facial hair on a woman" and then your reproductive area goes into a 'government shutdown'.  I have 2 of those symptoms and now with normal "testy" levels they confirmed that I have a very mild case of PCOS and should not be overly concerned. But they still want to put me on Clomid to increase the likelihood of ovulating/conception.

So for this post I'm gonna go through some meds they put you on/will put me on.  Don't worry.  I did thorough research (for the accompanying gifs).

We've gone through the different types of tests that I've had- I mean mostly blood work, but I've been stuck more times than the Male Olympic Figure Skating Team.

Pre-Natal vitamins with DHA - Complete prenatal multivitamin supplement with algae-sourced DHA. For use before, during, and after pregnancy.   DHA is important for healthy visual and mental development throughout infancy.  Also DHA sounds like a baller rap name.

We got these because you can use coupons.

Vitamin D - Everybody needs it and I don't want to look like "Tan Mom".  Don't google it if you're about to eat anything.

Levothyroxine - tTis is because I have a mild hypothyroid, basically meaning that my thyroid doesn't pull its weight.  Come on, Thy.

Progesterone- they gave me this after one of the first tests to help "jump start my system"- which it did.  They have recently put me on triple the average dosage.  But no one told me that the side effects of this mean heightened emotional state,

incredibly sexy bloating <sarcasm>,

weird ass dreams

leading to lack of sleep

thus feeding the first symptom.

Clomid - This is for stimulating an increase in the amount of hormones that support the growth and release of a mature egg.  Side effect?  Chance of multiples.

Other side effects of the process of Artificial Insemination: Dry mouth, gif overload, dizziness, One Direction song stuck in your head, cramps, bad credit, joint pain, ill fitting shoes, leakage, finishing every sentence with a hashtag.

How Many Euphemisms Can I Use?Period

Posted by Kate

Hello!

If you have ever waited for a train when you're already running late, with an important presentation you are leading schedule to start in 10 minutes when your commute will take 20 minutes and you ate Indian food for breakfast before chugging a hot soda while also doing jumping jacks... that is the best way for me to convey the last 2 weeks.  What can I say? I'm a fan of painting a vivid picture.

The stage we were/are in of OBM (refresher: Operation Baby Makin') is the final tests before you actually "do the deed"- I can already see I'm going to try to find as many euphemisms for insemination as I can and contributions from the reading audience are welcome.  Previously, on Kate's TMI Journey:

We had blood test results saying we were disease free (high five!), discovered our blood types and CMV statuses.

We then had to wait for the... .... .... visit from Aunt Flo for the next tests.  My body decided to pull a "Miley at the VMAs" and go buck wild.  We waited and waited and Flo was a no-show.  The doc at RSC had me come in for a blood test (I am actually shocked I still have any blood left in my body after all the sticks) to test my hormone levels. They called me later that day and said that they needed to help the "crimson wave come to

shore". The doctor put me on Progesterone for 10 days, to be taken right before bed. Let me tell you, this may not be the same for anyone else that has been on the same pills, but I had some crazy ass dreams.  Take the plot of "Beatlejuice" add some characters from Walking Dead and random appearances of Steve Buscemi's teeth. So 10 nights of less sleep than what a Kate needs in order to ensure she doesn't speak in tongues the following morning.  Accounts online said that some people have seen the arrival of the "cotton pony" after a couple of days on the pills, but the true purpose of the medication is to build the lining on the uterine wall and then when you stop taking the meds, the lining sheds bringing on "your special friend".  The treatment started August 14th. Let me also add that we were scheduled to leave on a plane to California the morning of August 30th and the tests must be done on the 3rd day (possibly the 2nd if need be) of "your monthly visitor". So, to keep this from becoming a "2 trains left from separate stations" math formula:
Last pill would be taken on Friday, August 23rd

My body is expecting the hormone still on Saturday, August 24, but it doesn't get any.

Sunday, August 25th...we're getting terribly close to this all happening while we're in CA, which would mean we'd miss our chance to do these "Day 3" tests and have to wait another month. Talk about pressure.

Sunday came and I've never willed anything to come more in my entire life. My Google search history on my phone looking for ways to encourage the "Panty Shields Up, Captain!" officially will keep me from running for office.  I started to be a nervous wreck (if I was that bad, don't ask about Meg) and my hormones were more up and down that Charley Sheen.  I was taking 2,000mg of Vitamin C, oil of Primrose and any other thing the internet told me to do. Time was racing and our trip was approaching. I woke up Tuesday morning at 3:30 from another Rob Zombie-like nightmare and still nothing.  I laid back down in bed and willed myself to sleep. After using all of my lives in Candy Crush I gave up and just got ready for work.  Then it happened. Just in the nick of time. I immediately told Meg to which we high fived... It seemed appropriate.  Then called the clinic. Thursday morning I went in for an ultrasound (when I

walked in the song "Your Body is a Wonderland" by John Mayer came on- touché) to check the engine, look for oil leaks and check the spark plugs (I actually know ridiculously little about cars so that sentence may be a load of crap. They located my ovaries quickly, said everything looked to be in good shape (a tiny cyst on my left ovary, but that's common in most women and to be of no concern) and counted the follicles on each.  Average women with no issues have between 5-10 and I had 11 in one ovary and 13 in the other. They then took my blood to check E2, FSH, LH hormone levels and all was good.  Later that day I met with a new OBGYN, as currently my yearly exams are done by my Primary Care and as much as I love Marie at Davis Square Family Practice (if you live in the greater Somerville/Boston area and don't see her you need to reevaluate your life choices- she's amazing & sees everyone that has ever lived at 22 Thorndike aka Meg's old apt- it's a lot of damn people) she can't deliver babies. I chose an OBGYN at Mt Auburn Hospital Women's Center and later we'll be able to attend an open house to meet all of their doctors and Midwives. I honestly didn't know what a midwife was and I'm still not entirely sure, but to my understanding they can do almost everything an OB can do with the exception of emergency surgery.  Also, I envision midwives to be a little like your guidance counselor where they talk to you about feelings, teach you how to care for a baby and write a recommendation for your application to Undergrad.

So let's talk next steps.  Thursday I go into Newton-Welsley Hospital for an HSG (Hysterosalpingogram) test- bonus points if you use that word in a game of Words With Friends.  They inject contrast dye into your uterus and watch it come out your fallopian tubes to make sure the "pipes are free and clear".  I've been told that this can be painful so... awesome.  And as I am typing this I am on the way back from our 2nd Anniversary vaca in CA where I just did my first ovulation test in the bathroom of a JetBlue Airbus. At this point we are just testing to see how it fits into our basal body temp  charting to help plan for the first opportunity we will have to "try".  To answer the burning question I'm sure you all have on your mind, no they do not sell "Yay I'm ovulating!"  T-shirts in Sky Mall.

Why We Choose To Blog

Meg's Perspective:
Are you wondering why we chose to share the details of this otherwise personal process with, well, basically anyone with a computer and internet access (or mooching off of internet access)

For more please visit my tumblr:
http://idtapintothat.tumblr.com/ (end shameless plug)

?
I’ll admit, as the pragmatic half of this duo, I questioned how wise it was to embark on this blogging adventure. In the end though, I think it will be a cathartic process for us, an easy way to keep our friends/family up to date on the process, and perhaps most importantly- a resource for other couples who will take this journey after us.

When we started thinking about making a family, we had many, many questions and since this is 2013, we naturally turned to the interwebs for answers. Considering it’s 2013, it was harder to find blogs with personal accounts of the two-mom insemination process than I would have thought. There are a fair number of blogs about heterosexual women experiencing infertility, which is at the same time similar and completely different from what we’re about to do. So I agreed to let Kate blog about all this...and as it turns out, I’m even blogging myself.

Here are some other lesbian mom-to-be blogs we’ve found entertaining and educational:

http://twomomsmakearight.com/

http://lesbianbabymaker.wordpress.com/

http://andbabymakes3hopefully.wordpress.com/

http://areyoumymoms.wordpress.com

Kate’ perspective:

I agree with Meg that there isn't enough lesbian perspective out there, in a mom-to-be way.  I also think the bog makes it easier to keep friends and family informed of how things are going.  There are going to be some topics that are easier to blog/talk about than others, but I think it's the best way to tell everyone the full story.  I think most people are used to just hearing me tell long-winded stories and I can vouch that I probably forget 42% of everything that happened, locations sometimes change and somehow Tina Fey

becomes a part of the discussion.  Nothing wrong with that, but Meg's POV usually helps to clear those up so.... voila.  Also, Tina Fey stays in. Always.

There are so many things we want to know.  Others who have gone through the process.  What were all the steps like?  How did you know which donor to choose?  How do you tell people?  How do you tell the child?  What should we tell the child to call us?  What if my child comes out and doesn't like showtunes? These things matter, people!

Uter-me? Uter-us.

Where did we leave off?  Ah, RSC New England (the fertility clinic we chose).
A previous fertility clinic we looked at had sent us paperwork that told me the work-up that needed to be done on my "internal valves" so I had already done 80% of the tests before I walked in the door- I can be an A+ student from time to time.  I had sent in my dissertation of pre-appointment paperwork they had us fill out and they even called us to tell us they received it.  Nicer than applying for a job.  We had our first consultation appointment with RSC on a Friday in August.  I was beyond nervous.  I don't get nervous- really.  We arrived early- it's how we do (if Meg has anything to say about it).  We killed time sitting in the car while I played Candy Crush (it's a problem- I have 3 games going on 3 devices) until it was time to go in. When we walked in there were several other couples in the waiting area.  We all glanced at each other, but in such a way that we never made eye contact.  But then, after checking in with the delightful staff (who also complimented my boxed hair dye color- well done Clairol), we sat down and I started looking at everyone in the waiting room a little closer.  Mostly what we saw were (presumably) straight couples.  All looked a little nervous or just erred on the side of forced preoccupation with magazines that they never turned the page of for 15 minutes.  Meg looked at me, leaned over and whispered something into my ear.  We were both thinking the same things and you (mostly me) can't help but laugh. The first thought that popped into my mind while looking at the men in the room:
"YOU'RE 5 FEET FROM ME AND IN MINUTES YOU'LL BE 'DEPOSITING' YOUR JUNK!"  Said in the voice of Stuart from MadTV.

We learned, while sitting there, that you go upstairs to be inseminated and down the hall to... "deposit".  I kind of thought it was a missed opportunity for a joke on "Stairway to Heaven", but this wasn't my show so... whatever.  Then I saw a man come around the corner and slam a stack of magazines on the counter.

Turns out he was the office manager dropping off the mail. Did your mind go to a dirty place? Mine, too.

We went back to the doctor's office and began to go through all of the paperwork I had filled out in advance and mailed in. We were impressed that the doc had obviously taken the time to familiarize himself with our chart before we arrived.  He had deduced (genius man) that no matter how hard we tried, Meg and I couldn't make a baby on our own and he seemed happy to help.  What I noticed was that he spoke about our situation as if we were no different that a man and a woman.  In a good way.  I know it sounds odd, but it's amazing how many awkward pauses and slightly ignorant questions I have encountered along the way.  We went over family medical history and I saw we were approaching the weight section.  I held my breath.  The doctor touched on the subject stating that he would like me 9 lbs less by the time we started procedures, of course I should continue on my weight loss track, but was in good health otherwise.

   

We then moved on.  Don't get me wrong- he touched on the importance of healthy weight, but he didn't shun me and tell me that it was never going to happen.  We went through all of the steps that need to happen before the first insemination.  It was a laundry list of tests and procedures, but he said, "I want to make sure you are fully prepared and your body is able to be impregnated.  I don't want you to waste money on sperm if your tubes are blocked or miss the window because we haven't perfectly timed your cycles."  Can you believe it?  An honest, frugal doctor.  I'd marry him if <insert obvious reasons>.  He then went through the next tests he wanted to run.  Endocrine blood tests, infectious disease blood work, genetic carrier screening, and on and on. Remember when people just hooked up in the back of a car?  He then looked at my wife and said, "I want to run a couple panels on you as well."  I was afraid he wouldn't be able to get any blood as it had all rushing from her face.  Meg - 3 tubes of blood (and one pee test).  Kate - 9 tubes of blood (no pee tests).  We were then "debriefed" by a nurse as far as next steps.  Sitting in the car after 2 hours of emotionally exhaustive (in a good way) prodding our initial thoughts were: 

1. Phew.

2. No one batted an eye when they saw we were 2 women. AWESOME.

3. Do we start looking at men online (sperm banks)?

4. This is for real now.

5. We gotta write a blog about this.

6. Do we want Panera for lunch?

Priorities.