step-cousins and half-siblings (?!?!). Ultimately we decided against even asking him and his wife to consider it. (PS: Hi Dave! This is probably news to you!) We considered a number of our male friends, but assumed they would want to be involved as parents, and we’re not interested in that. We are also aware of the legal considerations one needs to take when using a known donor, including the donor signing away his parental rights and agreeing to be tested for just about every disease in the world. Plus, in order to be inseminated by most doctors, the sperm has to be frozen, so the donor would have to go through a sperm bank. Are you seeing dollar signs? Because I am.
Do we care if the donor is strongly religious and therefore probably donating in order to populate the world with more Catholics/Baptists/etc? Do we want our future kiddo(s) to be able to seek out the donor when the kiddo turns 18? Do we pay extra to see baby pictures of the donor? Is it totally vain of me to eliminate a donor because his handwriting is atrocious??
Someone who looks like me, the non-bio mom? Or just someone amazingly tall, handsome, naturally thin and very smart? The kid is never going to be half genetically mine, so does it matter if he/she looks like me? Do we pick someone with my ethnic background?
The process is so odd and surreal. You're looking at profiles like you're shopping on Amazon.
So, do we want tall? But not too tall. Blonde hair like Meg's? Brown like mine- I mean auburn... Shut up. College student or adult that has established himself? To quote Meg as we sat at Panera after our first appointment at the clinic, "I want him to be smart but not super smart. No PhD in philosophy, cause those guys piss me off."
I will give bonus points to any donor that:
A. Makes references to "Drop Dead Gorgeous"
B. Sites Aaron Sorkin as the greatest writer of all time.
C. Exhibits sassy wit.
Do I care what he sounds like? Not unless he has an amazing singing voice because this child is gonna know showtunes.
There's so much to consider and so much pressure as you are basically designing your child. Should he have athletic ability since I can barely walk without falling down?
Should he have a ridiculous sense of humor so we can spout "Will & Grace" quotes back and forth? Should he have tan skin so the child doesn't have to experience the feeling of blinding people on the first warm day of summer? Also....do sperm banks do Super Saver Shipping?