Week 35: Pregnant Women, Put Down the Google

The above is what the final stretch of pregnancy feels like.

I have become the most paranoid, tummy watching, iPhone fetal Doppler app using crazy pregnant woman.  I have hid the crazy from Meg as she is a bit of a worrier, but my crazy cup runneth over.  I know I shouldn't say this as my job depends on this tool, but Google is the devil. Also, who's brilliant idea was it to create message boards for other crazy pregnant women to pour their crazy into only feeding the fire?  If BGC hasn't moved for an hour my mind automatically thinks the umbilical cord is wrapped around her neck.  But sooner or later she kicks me in my rib and the crazy subsides.  Be aware.  This is all normal.

Getting out of bed...

Tuesday we had a visit with our midwife Jenn and had our 9 month (!!!) measurement ultrasound.  Other than the pain in my diaphragm/ribs (Jenn chalks this up to my uterus stretching into my rib area), inability to sleep or lie on my back (the weight of the baby compresses an artery causing nausea/dizziness) and normal pregnancy heart palpitations, all is well with my weight and blood pressure.



Also, Jenn gave us some "labor prep" talks such as packing the hospital bag, how to check in, when family should actually come to the hospital, etc and I can't tell you how awesome that feels! We're almost there!  We also had a fetal measurement and BPP (Biophysical Profile)- which she passed. We will be having these on a weekly basis starting next week as it is a precaution for overweight women- no worries team, it's just a precaution!  She's also weighing in at 6lb 4oz. Give or take a pound. Yeah.  I know.  As Meg and I were laying bed last night she looked at me and said, "This could happen any time!  LIKE TOMORROW!"  Let's just have BGC hang in there until 37 weeks and then she can come anytime.

November 1 little girl.  November 1.

Hysterosalpingogram: I'm Paying You to Do What?!?

Hey kids. Today I went to Newton-Wellesley Hospital for my Hysterosalpingogram or HSG for short. I had done a little research in advance, through friends who had experienced this as well as on the web.  And through my experience with this I want to tell any woman who is reading this to stop Googling.  It is nothing but a recipe for confusion and disaster- that is unless it brought you here to this blog, then Googling is the best choice you've ever made.  I had a myriad of experiential stories from friends from "meh, I went straight to work after" to "it will hurt like hell".  I also tried to

look up the procedure on the web to see how people prepare- they told me to take 600mg of Advil. Have you seen me?  I have more surgery scars on me than Michael Jackson (#toosoon).  600mg isn't going to touch me.  Then I wanted to see how medical websites describes the procedure.  Stop it.  I don't know who lets WebMD still continue to exist on the interwebs, but they are probably the same people who invented Candy Crush (why can't I quit you?) or the people that keep saying, "You know that Nicholas Sparks book?  Let's make that into a movie!".

So, I'll list here my experience, take it or leave it, but you know it's gonna have some good gifs so you might as well read on.  When you first get called in by a nurse, you strip from the waist down and put on a hospital gown.  Another of my favorite things- being naked from the waist down in a public

place. Not only that, they gave me one gown to put on where the ties are in the back and another to wear like a robe backwards so you don't have to walk around the halls pinching it closed like a dog chasing his tail.  But on the second gown, they hadn't buttoned the parts at the top that actually form the arm holes.  Now.  I'm not an idiot.  I have a degree from a solid college (that I'm still paying off and probably will until my own child goes to college) and work in a pretty challenging job.  I couldn't for the life of me figure out how they snap together.  I

ended up, in haste, throwing it around me like a matador.  And, of course, when I get nervous I get chatty and the nurse complimented my sandals.  I said, "Yeah, I wanted to wear something that complimented a hospital gown, but didn't say 'I'm trashy'". Then you go into an imaging room and climb up on a large X-ray bed.  Then they put what feels like a brick wrapped in a thin sheet at the very small of your back in order to tilt your pelvis backwards.  Then they tell you to put your feet on these little balls that kind of feel like stepping on a baseball directly on the arch of your foot.  Now the next part, I'm not going to go into great detail, but basically they "Jack Cousteau" you (artist's rendering below).  They dilate the cervix, insert a radio

active dye into your uterus and take xrays as they see it travel through to the fallopian tubes, which tells you that your baby makin' pipes are clear. Guys put on earmuffs for this part: The most painful part is the speculum.  It feels like they are recreating the Holland Tunnel inside your body.  The cramping from the dye being inserted into the uterus isn't that bad at all.  In total the procedure probably takes about 4 minutes (but in all honesty it will feel as long at this:)

and you will leave feeling ok, but honestly, you'll just want to go home, put on your big girl sweats and eat cheese puff balls.  Follow your instincts.  I went back to work- asshat.  The good news is that my parts are in working order.  The bad new is that I screamed an expletive during the procedure that would make George Carlin blush.

Feeling Grateful for Celebrity Lesbian Moms

Cat Cora.  Winning at everything.

Recently there has been a fair amount of mainstream buzz about NBC news anchor Jenna Wolfe and her girlfriend having a baby girl. Six months ago, Jenna casually announced her pregnancy on the air, while subsequently publicly coming out. I guess in this case, the two pieces of news went hand in hand, since viewers were obviously going to notice that she was pregnant and sans husband....

Let's not forget gay dads.
Especially, NPH.  I mean, look at this.

Anyway, I'm feeling grateful for the lesbian moms who have traveled this road before us and shared their stories with the world. Tens of thousands of suburbanites rely on Jenna Wolfe to give them their news and now this household name is having a baby...with another woman. It's possible Jenna is the first lesbian mom these people have ever "met." Every lesbian mom who chooses to be in the public eye gives me a bit of hope that my future child won't be the only one at school with two moms. His friends' parents won't flinch when I introduce myself as his mom and then introduce them to my wife, Kate. In a perfect world, it would never occur to him that his family is any different than any other family.

So to the pioneers who have gone before us- those living their lives outwardly and proudly- thank you for paving the road, one little bit at a time, for families soon to come.

Kate's Perspective:
I think that Meg...

I also want to point out that I grew up in a time/region that gay lifestyles weren't all that visible. I also spent a lot of time working in theater so my vision may have been a little askew. I knew, maybe, a person or two who I thought were gay, but no one lived an out life.  I don't even think I saw two same sex people holding hands as partners (IRL) until college.  The idea of  actually being able to live this way, marrying someone AND having a family never crossed my mind until 2007, also the same year the iPhone was first released- it was a year of discovery my friends. And now I'm married and we are starting a family.  I want to expand on big ups to the gay and lesbian moms and give the highest of gay fives to those that made all of it possible and"normal".

Literally Googled "rainbow high five".

It All Begins With An Appointment

OK kids.  Let's discuss the birds and the bees.  I grew up Catholic so my view is that intercourse isn't needed and our version of birth control is prayer.  But let's add a little color to it.  How about a rainbow? (gay puns will be aplenty in this blog) When a woman and a woman meet and really love each other and they have a savings with a semi decent APY and live in a state that legalizes something that even a queen (I'm speaking of the one not dressed in drag) agrees is a human right come together with an anonymous tube (#science) and procreate.  That's our version.

Baby Makin': Let Me Google That For You

I met my wife in 2008 when I moved to Boston to run a box office for a theater in the city.  Let me set the scene. My now wife, Meg, was an intern, I was the boss...it's not as scandalous as it sounds, but this makes for a better story!  We were married September of 2011 and both agreed we wanted a family, but outside of our 20lb cat Batman (I call him Fatman, see left) & Tucker (not pictured as the only pic I have at the ready is of him almost crying because he ate the fly he was chasing and was then confused where it went) we had never scratched the surface beyond names we loved or the fact I was going to raise said kid exposed to hefty daily doses of showtunes from womb to whenever they move out from under my roof.  We are finally in a place in life where we have relatively well paying jobs that don't require the skills of MacGyver  to survive on the daily- lookin' at you non-profit arts jobs.  And are ready to support the life of something that can barely support itself- lookin' at myself.  Before Meg I would have probably lived off of Panera Asiago Cheese bagels & Trader Joe's $3 Chuck merlot.  This decision, to start the Curtis Posse, began with a lot of research. I kind of laugh at because I am not the researcher in our marriage.  Meg can take a task, parse out the phases, make lists and timelines to meet each step, track a budget and deliver on time.  I come in with appetizers, wine and technology needs.

I sat down to begin the process and then it hit me.  How does one even begin this?  What are the words I am even going to Google?  Is this going to totally turn my Gmail ads/Facebook ads into the digital marketing equivalent of sketchy van offering free candy?  Don't look at my Google history- not just because of the journey I took in researching, but you would be disgusted by all the words I have to Google how to spell.  Including disgusted.  I started out looking for blogs by others who had gone through this process.  And, although, there are a lot I wasn't getting all of my questions answered.  So, this is one of the main reasons for this blog.  I hope we can answer the questions others may have as they begin their journey to baby-dom and I hope that y'all will follow our story.  I also hope to make people laugh, get a book deal and possibly meet Tina Fey.

Priorities.