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Thursday, September 26, 2013

My Damn Ovaries, Not a 19th Century French Novel

cliff's notes, lazy, scholarI'm going to be honest, I could probably name off every book I've ever read cover to cover.  Not because I'm a bibliophile, but because I have a hard time reading.  I WANT to love to read, but unless it's a teen dystopian book, a series on symbols/catholic corruption or anything by Lois Lowry ("Number the
madame bovary
Artist Rendering of Kate Attempting
to Read This Damn Book
Stars" is the best book ever) I probably Cliff Noted the crap out of it.  I get distracted.  So, to explain the title of this post... I was supposed to read the most boring book known to man (Flaubert's "Madame Bovary") in high school, but couldn't get past the ISBN number page at the beginning.  I would only read this if placed in a situation where the options were: 1. Read this old long ass book or 2. Listen to Ann Coulter (which, by the way, the first options you get when you Google her name is "Ann Coulter racist", "Ann Coulter net worth").  So I 'Spark Notes'-ed it and gave it a witty new title- "My Damn Ovaries".  Little did I know how relevant the facetious title would become to my own life. This brings us to the next step in OBM (Operation Baby Makin').  I know I take a while to make a point, but the journey is fun and I get you there eventually so shut up.

kristin chenoweth, pushing daisies, sound of musicSo, we last left off with the final tests done and we had an appointment with our reproductive doctor on Tuesday.  The night before the appointment Meg and I were on a walk discussing what we thought we would cover in the appointment. After each test, the nurse or tech told me that everything looked good, so my guess was that we would get a ballpark date for our first insemination and get the form to order sperm. We both let our minds wander to the 'worse case' scenario which we thought would be the doctor requiring us to do a couple more months of tracking because my cycle is unpredictable. We couldn't imagine having to wait until month. Now, I know this blog was started for the purposes of providing information about same sex couples having a baby as well as a way to keep friends/family up-to-date (and for me to have an outlet for my wit so Meg doesn't have to hear the same jokes over and over again), but lez (see what I did there?) be honest- not everything is going to be rainbows, sunshine and Kristin Chenoweth.  Forgive me for not diving into some things as much as others- and I bet you're probably grateful for that when it comes to the biology parts.  Am I right, boys (wait- do we know any boys?)?

Here's the truth. Our appointment on Tuesday was hard to sit through.  We sat down with the doctor and he began to go over some of the tests.  It turns the techs and nurses were not quite telling us the whole truth. I do have a significant number of ovarian follicles (a good thing), but they were all around the outer area of the ovaries instead of in the center (a not so good thing).  We were told that this is a classic symptom of PCOS, or Polycystic ovary syndrome.  Other symptoms are difficulty losing weight and abnormal menstral cycles, both of which I experience.  Other symptoms (that I don't have) are diabetes, high cholesterol, etc.  Something like 1 in 10 women have PCOS, and plenty of them get pregnant, but there's no doubt that this makes things a little more...complicated.

The doctor took blood to test my hormone levels which will likely confirm the PCOS diagnosis.  As I write this I am staring at my phone waiting for them to call to tell us the results. Either way, there is a plan in place to move forward. I personally feel that this isn't a huge blow as I don't have the other 2 symptoms that are more risks to health and the doctor didn't seem to present it as a big deal.  However, and I'll try to keep this light, finding out there's yet another speed bump in our baby making journey (the most obvious being that we lack sperm!) I feel like this.

sarah mclachlan, spca

meg ryan, dennis quaid, martin short, innerspace
I was also told that there was a 'shadow'  found on my uterus during the HSG (aka medical medieval Pilates in your bathing suit area) so we will have to 'Innerspace' me. If you haven't seen this cinematic gem get thee to a $5 bargain bin at your local car wash to see Meg Ryan in rare form.

open bar, someecardsbuster, arrested developmentSo.  In the next 3 weeks there will be some testing to make sure the 'foundation is solid'. This puts our first insemination off to at least November. We might post more about this in the coming days, but then again, we might not. It's hard, y'all.

But on a lighter note that means I get to enjoy the open bars to the fullest at the 3, count 'em, 3 same sex weddings we are attending in the next month.

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