Why, Yes, I Would Like to Host a Parasite

Everyone asks who will carry our child and most people ask how we chose. It was pretty easy for us to decide, since one of us is interested in being pregnant and one of us is not entirely sure and usually leans towards "no thanks."

Meg says:
Anyone who knows me knows that I've long imagined adopting little Asian babies. Ever since I was a young teen, adopting seemed like something I would do. I'm not sure where the idea initially came from, because I'm not adopted and when I was young I didn't know anyone who was adopted. It just always felt right to me. I like to help others when I can and it seems like there are plenty of babies in the world who need parents. I'm confident I could provide them with a good home. And why Asian babies, you might ask? Well really, Asian babies are just the cutest babies around!

The idea of being pregnant has never appealed to me. I can barely get a paper cut without passing out, so all of the medical work-ups involved with being pregnant terrify me. I also have a fair amount of anxiety and I'm a bit of a hypochondriac, so I truly think being pregnant wouldn't be good for my mental health. And I know this blog is supposed to be funny (I'll let Kate take care of that later), but bear with me while I lay out some serious stuff for a minute. The fact that I can't combine my genes with the person I love and produce a child takes all the appeal out of it for me. I want to raise a baby (or two) with Kate, but I don't so much care where the baby comes from. Now, I reserve the right to change my mind. Maybe seeing Kate go through all of this will really make me want to go next....I doubt it, but I'm not ruling it out. (Sorry Mom!)

Some might wonder if I'm disappointed that we're not adopting. The answer is...maybe I was a little, at first. I had a very clear vision of how I'd someday make a family. But this is something Kate really wants to do, and gay married couples can't adopt from Asia (or mostly anywhere else) anymore anyways, so this is just a different path with the same result (a slightly less Asian result, that is).

Kate says:
If you had asked 17 year old Kate (or Katie at the time, I changed my name when I moved up to Massachusetts from Virginia... I'm still not entirely sure why) what she thought her future family would be like she probably would have said, "Oh, I'll meet a nice man who will support my budding stand-up career, we'll adopt kids and sing show tunes while we cook dinner".  Replace man with woman and it's not that far off (I see being an account manager as an opportunity to work on my budding stand-up career. You try making SEO not a snoozefest and tell me it doesn't take skills).
It wasn't until I was in my late 20s (and finally not a closeted homo) that I started to have maternal feelings. Those maternal feelings were fueled by my sister-in-law's two kids and our other sister-in-law having her first child and I had my first experience being an aunt in a child's life from birth.  Let me
tell you, once that flame is lit there's no putting it out.  I can't walk into a children's clothing section in a store without going full on female meltdown.  I emit sounds that only dogs can hear and I find myself rubbing fleece onsies on my cheek not realizing that sales clerks have a finger on the panic button on their headset.  I started having these images pop into my head of being pregnant and having that special feeling of a tiny being in there being forced to hear showtunes all day and the same jokes over and over again, but I know (s)he'll love me anyway, and hate me from age 11-14, then love me again.  Once we got the ball rolling (picking a fertility clinic) we then realized all the testing and tracking that had to be done (we're up to almost 10 months of it).  And then there's the odds.  The odds that we time the insemination just right and that it takes.

I can handle the physical part.  Meg almost passed out from getting blood drawn so I'd hate to see her reaction to a tiny being shooting out of her lady parts.  I'm not a "logistics" kind of girl.  I base half of my decisions on an array of factors ranging from: "is there going to be a gift bag at the end" to "can I post-date that check".  Meg is down with R&D.  It actually works out nicely.

Then my friends started popping up with FB pregnancy announcements every other day.  Seriously. Did none of y'all want to leave the comforts of your central A/C-ed homes the past few months?! And all these ladies (love you all) had incredibly creative ways of announcing.  I feel like I'm going to have to buy a billboard, trend a hashtag and twerk somebody to top the explosion of likes.

Kara & Tommy #brill

Sam & Joe #adorbs

Melissa & Jonathan #wthgirl,ain'tnobodygottimetocompetewiththis 

And don't get me wrong.  I am delighted to celebrate vicariously with these wonderful women, but (in all honesty) it makes me jealous. I know when it does happen for us it's gonna be swell... it'll be great... we're gonna have the whole world on a plate.  #musicaltheaterref #merman #gaybies

Testosterone-y, the Real San Francisco Treat

Let's all learn this dance.

First, some good news.  I got a call today informing me about my Free Testosterone Level (a major symptom of PCOS) and it was normal.  If you need to catch up please refer to My Damn Ovaries, Not a 19th Century French Novel.

Normally, with PCOS, one would have issues with cycles, depression, thinning hair, diabetes, high cholesterol, acne and issues

with weight/losing weight.  PCOS is kind of like, your womanly hormones say, "I want babies!" and your testosterone hormones say, "I kind of like a little facial hair on a woman" and then your reproductive area goes into a 'government shutdown'.  I have 2 of those symptoms and now with normal "testy" levels they confirmed that I have a very mild case of PCOS and should not be overly concerned. But they still want to put me on Clomid to increase the likelihood of ovulating/conception.

So for this post I'm gonna go through some meds they put you on/will put me on.  Don't worry.  I did thorough research (for the accompanying gifs).

We've gone through the different types of tests that I've had- I mean mostly blood work, but I've been stuck more times than the Male Olympic Figure Skating Team.

Pre-Natal vitamins with DHA - Complete prenatal multivitamin supplement with algae-sourced DHA. For use before, during, and after pregnancy.   DHA is important for healthy visual and mental development throughout infancy.  Also DHA sounds like a baller rap name.

We got these because you can use coupons.

Vitamin D - Everybody needs it and I don't want to look like "Tan Mom".  Don't google it if you're about to eat anything.

Levothyroxine - tTis is because I have a mild hypothyroid, basically meaning that my thyroid doesn't pull its weight.  Come on, Thy.

Progesterone- they gave me this after one of the first tests to help "jump start my system"- which it did.  They have recently put me on triple the average dosage.  But no one told me that the side effects of this mean heightened emotional state,

incredibly sexy bloating <sarcasm>,

weird ass dreams

leading to lack of sleep

thus feeding the first symptom.

Clomid - This is for stimulating an increase in the amount of hormones that support the growth and release of a mature egg.  Side effect?  Chance of multiples.

Other side effects of the process of Artificial Insemination: Dry mouth, gif overload, dizziness, One Direction song stuck in your head, cramps, bad credit, joint pain, ill fitting shoes, leakage, finishing every sentence with a hashtag.