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Thursday, September 19, 2013

Oh, The Places You Will Go... To Take an Ovulation Test

Today you can predict.
You're off to Great Places!
To Pee on a Stick!

You have a pricey device in your hand.
You have a window of time.
You will enter sketchy places
With hopes of seeing more than 1 line.

THE PLACES YOU'LL GO! ( take an ovulation test)

You'll be on an airplane!
You'll be a contortionist!
People waiting will judge you
You, the TSA will blacklist.

JetBlue Airplane
tommy boy, chris farley

You'll do it at work.
The last stall will be your lab.
Your coworkers will think
Your bowels need rehab.

At Work: When you walk into the stall with OPK stick in hand & you bump into your CEO.
You will do it at a theater
Where you used to work.
With biddies and blue hairs
Around your stall they will lurk.

the producers, mel brooks, little old lady land

You'll be in an instance
Where balance is key.
Don't do as I did
That train porter is now damaged, yes sirree.

High Speed Acela Amtrak Train and by high speed I mean warp speed taking every corner at the exact time you close the door

You may be out of the comforts of your own home.
Remember to boost the shampoo, the conditioner and the comb.
Word to the wise of the minibar where you may roam.
Your hormonal state may cause you to eat that $40 Toblerone.
Being on the road for work is beyond exhausting I must say,
Beware of the handle to the left of the sink as it ends up being the bidet.

Fancy Ass Hotel on a business trip
emperor's new groove, disney

You will come to a place where the bathrooms look cryptic.
Not to mention the stalls look apocalyptic.
A place you could catch diseases that run the gambit!
Why does it look like a wet dog shook off, dammit??!

Penn Station


What it finally feels like to do the test in the comforts of your our own bathroom
sound of music

be it a port-o, an outhouse, a latrine
or a commode,
Lines that look like Sanskrit
You'll sit and decode!
Your loo is waiting.
So go stand in line!
Soon you'll see the happy face
And enjoy one last wine.

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