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Sunday, October 6, 2013

Why, Yes, I Would Like to Host a Parasite

ointb, orange is the new black
Everyone asks who will carry our child and most people ask how we chose. It was pretty easy for us to decide, since one of us is interested in being pregnant and one of us is not entirely sure and usually leans towards "no thanks."

Meg says:
Anyone who knows me knows that I've long imagined adopting little Asian babies. Ever since I was a young teen, adopting seemed like something I would do. I'm not sure where the idea initially came from, because I'm not adopted and when I was young I didn't know anyone who was adopted. It just always felt right to me. I like to help others when I can and it seems like there are plenty of babies in the world who need parents. I'm confident I could provide them with a good home. And why Asian babies, you might ask? Well really, Asian babies are just the cutest babies around!

The idea of being pregnant has never appealed to me. I can barely get a paper cut without passing out, so all of the medical work-ups involved with being pregnant terrify me. I also have a fair amount of anxiety and I'm a bit of a hypochondriac, so I truly think being pregnant wouldn't be good for my mental health. And I know this blog is supposed to be funny (I'll let Kate take care of that later), but bear with me while I lay out some serious stuff for a minute. The fact that I can't combine my genes with the person I love and produce a child takes all the appeal out of it for me. I want to raise a baby (or two) with Kate, but I don't so much care where the baby comes from. Now, I reserve the right to change my mind. Maybe seeing Kate go through all of this will really make me want to go next....I doubt it, but I'm not ruling it out. (Sorry Mom!)

Some might wonder if I'm disappointed that we're not adopting. The answer is...maybe I was a little, at first. I had a very clear vision of how I'd someday make a family. But this is something Kate really wants to do, and gay married couples can't adopt from Asia (or mostly anywhere else) anymore anyways, so this is just a different path with the same result (a slightly less Asian result, that is).

Kate says:
cute ass babyIf you had asked 17 year old Kate (or Katie at the time, I changed my name when I moved up to Massachusetts from Virginia... I'm still not entirely sure why) what she thought her future family would be like she probably would have said, "Oh, I'll meet a nice man who will support my budding stand-up career, we'll adopt kids and sing show tunes while we cook dinner".  Replace man with woman and it's not that far off (I see being an account manager as an opportunity to work on my budding stand-up career. You try making SEO not a snoozefest and tell me it doesn't take skills).
It wasn't until I was in my late 20s (and finally not a closeted homo) that I started to have maternal feelings. Those maternal feelings were fueled by my sister-in-law's two kids and our other sister-in-law having her first child and I had my first experience being an aunt in a child's life from birth.  Let me
tina fey, mean girlstell you, once that flame is lit there's no putting it out.  I can't walk into a children's clothing section in a store without going full on female meltdown.  I emit sounds that only dogs can hear and I find myself rubbing fleece onsies on my cheek not realizing that sales clerks have a finger on the panic button on their headset.  I started having these images pop into my head of being pregnant and having that special feeling of a tiny being in there being forced to hear showtunes all day and the same jokes over and over again, but I know (s)he'll love me anyway, and hate me from age 11-14, then love me again.  Once we got the ball rolling (picking a fertility clinic) we then realized all the testing and tracking that had to be done (we're up to almost 10 months of it).  And then there's the odds.  The odds that we time the insemination just right and that it takes.
anchor mananchorman

I can handle the physical part.  Meg almost passed out from getting blood drawn so I'd hate to see her reaction to a tiny being shooting out of her lady parts.  I'm not a "logistics" kind of girl.  I base half of my decisions on an array of factors ranging from: "is there going to be a gift bag at the end" to "can I post-date that check".  Meg is down with R&D.  It actually works out nicely.

Then my friends started popping up with FB pregnancy announcements every other day.  Seriously. Did none of y'all want to leave the comforts of your central A/C-ed homes the past few months?! And all these ladies (love you all) had incredibly creative ways of announcing.  I feel like I'm going to have to buy a billboard, trend a hashtag and twerk somebody to top the explosion of likes.

announcing pregnancy, creative baby announcements
announcing pregnancy, creative baby announcements
Kara & Tommy #brill

announcing pregnancy, creative baby announcements
Sam & Joe #adorbs
announcing pregnancy, creative baby announcements
Melissa & Jonathan #wthgirl,ain'tnobodygottimetocompetewiththis 
And don't get me wrong.  I am delighted to celebrate vicariously with these wonderful women, but (in all honesty) it makes me jealous. I know when it does happen for us it's gonna be swell... it'll be great... we're gonna have the whole world on a plate.  #musicaltheaterref #merman #gaybies


  1. Kate and Meg.

    You two are so incredibly brave. What an amazing journey you are going through and even more inspiring that you are blogging about it for the world to see. You are traveling Into The Woods to collect 'the cow as white as milk; the cape as red as blood; the hair as yellow as corn; the slipper as pure as gold.' And when you come out the other side you are going to have a beautiful baby brought into a loving home. I can't wait to see it. :)

    I will be thinking about you!

  2. I just LOL'ed at the twerking billboard image! Can't wait to follow more of your journey! Wishing you both the very best!