Uter-me? Uter-us.

Where did we leave off?  Ah, RSC New England (the fertility clinic we chose).
A previous fertility clinic we looked at had sent us paperwork that told me the work-up that needed to be done on my "internal valves" so I had already done 80% of the tests before I walked in the door- I can be an A+ student from time to time.  I had sent in my dissertation of pre-appointment paperwork they had us fill out and they even called us to tell us they received it.  Nicer than applying for a job.  We had our first consultation appointment with RSC on a Friday in August.  I was beyond nervous.  I don't get nervous- really.  We arrived early- it's how we do (if Meg has anything to say about it).  We killed time sitting in the car while I played Candy Crush (it's a problem- I have 3 games going on 3 devices) until it was time to go in. When we walked in there were several other couples in the waiting area.  We all glanced at each other, but in such a way that we never made eye contact.  But then, after checking in with the delightful staff (who also complimented my boxed hair dye color- well done Clairol), we sat down and I started looking at everyone in the waiting room a little closer.  Mostly what we saw were (presumably) straight couples.  All looked a little nervous or just erred on the side of forced preoccupation with magazines that they never turned the page of for 15 minutes.  Meg looked at me, leaned over and whispered something into my ear.  We were both thinking the same things and you (mostly me) can't help but laugh. The first thought that popped into my mind while looking at the men in the room:
"YOU'RE 5 FEET FROM ME AND IN MINUTES YOU'LL BE 'DEPOSITING' YOUR JUNK!"  Said in the voice of Stuart from MadTV.

We learned, while sitting there, that you go upstairs to be inseminated and down the hall to... "deposit".  I kind of thought it was a missed opportunity for a joke on "Stairway to Heaven", but this wasn't my show so... whatever.  Then I saw a man come around the corner and slam a stack of magazines on the counter.

Turns out he was the office manager dropping off the mail. Did your mind go to a dirty place? Mine, too.

We went back to the doctor's office and began to go through all of the paperwork I had filled out in advance and mailed in. We were impressed that the doc had obviously taken the time to familiarize himself with our chart before we arrived.  He had deduced (genius man) that no matter how hard we tried, Meg and I couldn't make a baby on our own and he seemed happy to help.  What I noticed was that he spoke about our situation as if we were no different that a man and a woman.  In a good way.  I know it sounds odd, but it's amazing how many awkward pauses and slightly ignorant questions I have encountered along the way.  We went over family medical history and I saw we were approaching the weight section.  I held my breath.  The doctor touched on the subject stating that he would like me 9 lbs less by the time we started procedures, of course I should continue on my weight loss track, but was in good health otherwise.

   

We then moved on.  Don't get me wrong- he touched on the importance of healthy weight, but he didn't shun me and tell me that it was never going to happen.  We went through all of the steps that need to happen before the first insemination.  It was a laundry list of tests and procedures, but he said, "I want to make sure you are fully prepared and your body is able to be impregnated.  I don't want you to waste money on sperm if your tubes are blocked or miss the window because we haven't perfectly timed your cycles."  Can you believe it?  An honest, frugal doctor.  I'd marry him if <insert obvious reasons>.  He then went through the next tests he wanted to run.  Endocrine blood tests, infectious disease blood work, genetic carrier screening, and on and on. Remember when people just hooked up in the back of a car?  He then looked at my wife and said, "I want to run a couple panels on you as well."  I was afraid he wouldn't be able to get any blood as it had all rushing from her face.  Meg - 3 tubes of blood (and one pee test).  Kate - 9 tubes of blood (no pee tests).  We were then "debriefed" by a nurse as far as next steps.  Sitting in the car after 2 hours of emotionally exhaustive (in a good way) prodding our initial thoughts were: 

1. Phew.

2. No one batted an eye when they saw we were 2 women. AWESOME.

3. Do we start looking at men online (sperm banks)?

4. This is for real now.

5. We gotta write a blog about this.

6. Do we want Panera for lunch?

Priorities.