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Friday, December 13, 2013

TWW From a Wife's POV & Why Craft Store Stocks Shot Up

Posted by Meg:

As I often say to Kate in situations that are not at all about me: “Not to make this all about me, but…”

Now that our first two week wait (TWW) is almost over, I thought I would share what it’s like from the partner’s perspective. Though we’ve been approaching this process and this blog with levity, this stuff
parks and rec, ron swanson
really isn’t that much fun and this post probably won’t be funny. I hope that it will be not be too much of a downer and that other partners of women trying to conceive might find it informative.

During this TTC (trying to conceive) process, and often in our relationship, Kate is the doer and I am the thinker. I will research and buy the chairs, she will put them together. I will research and plan out a trip, she will buy the tickets and book the cab to the airport. In the case of our TTC journey, she has
jlaw, jennifer lawrence
gone through a battery of tests, gotten inseminated and (fingers crossed) will get pregnant and carry our baby. In the meantime, I have done the research. I thoroughly scoped out Kate’s insurance coverage, our sperm bank options, and most importantly, our sperm donor choices. I like having a purpose in this process, because what else can I really do? I can’t endure the tests in Kate’s place, I can’t pee on the ovulation strips day in and day out for her, and sadly I cannot provide her with sperm (darn). What I can do is research.

nervous, that's so raven, raven simoneSo what’s an analytical girl like me to do during the TWW?  There are many, many things to scrutinize (Is a headache a pregnancy symptom? Is she extra sleepy because she’s pregnant or because she’s just...ya know...tired? Was that a twinge? What does a twinge mean?? Etc.), but there’s really not a lot to research. Trying to research the previously mentioned  “symptoms” via the internet will not help. I repeat: WILL NOT HELP. Does that stop us? Of course not. But for the sake of anyone in the TWW there are no definitive symptoms.  None.  You just have to wait.

pinterest, pinterest gone wrong, pinterest failSince Kate is actually feeling each of the symptoms (or lack thereof), it’s impossible for her to stop thinking about it. She tosses and turns at night, she’s distracted at work, she is always thinking about it. This is natural, I suppose. I, on the other hand, physically feel nothing and I am quite sure I am not pregnant. This, and perhaps my A-type personality, make it easier for me to compartmentalize and block out some of the obsessive thoughts/guessing/wondering/anticipating that would otherwise take over my brain. For this coping mechanism I am both grateful and guilt ridden. If she can’t sleep at night, why should I? If she is overcome with worry, shouldn’t I also be hashing out every possible scenario? Kate would surely say no, that it’s a good thing that I can put it out of my mind sometimes, but to me it doesn’t always feel good.

Instead of thinking about it, I try to distract Kate with crafting projects, TV marathons and house-cleaning endeavors (unexpected bonus?), but mostly I just feel completely useless. That’s the thing nobody tells you when your partner is trying to get pregnant (ok, there are lots of things). You will feel useless. You will, in fact, be mostly useless. I can research, I can distract, I can support and love and nurture. But I can’t make the TWW any easier for her. That’s the truth, and it stinks. I’m ever so hopeful that this is our first and last two week wait, but I realize that is unlikely. Wow this post has gotten long. In short, this process is much, much harder for the person actually trying to get pregnant, but it comes with a host of challenges for the partner as well.
hunger games, hunger games salute, three finger salute


  1. Very, very well said Meg. It's true, while there is little that we, the partners, can do, we can do everything by simply being there - for everything.

    We were exactly where you are this time last year. I remember it clearly. It was exciting, nerve-wracking and ultimately, out of our control.
    Wishing you both the best.

    1. Thanks Jena! You and Sarah are our lesbian mommy role models :)