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Tuesday, November 26, 2013

Ovulation Testing: You'll Study More Than You Did for the LSAT

Starting on day 3 of my cycle they had me start taking Clomid (what that experience was like):
Kate sees this: sad puppy, puppy, dog
Then she starts to do this:dawson's creek, dawson crying

Then on day 10 (today) they will have me start testing for ovulation.

You can test every 4 hours which means I'm gonna spend a lot of time in the bathroom at work and most likely will become "that girl".

Most tests take 3-5 minutes to show results.  So to anyone entering the stall next to me and leaving before I do, it will appear that we were in a (to quote my cousin) "poop off".  My co-worker said I need a separate pair of nondescript shoes to wear when I go take a test... or I could suspend my feet off the floor.  It'll be great for my abs.

You have to catch it at the right moment AND be able to read the ROYGBIV color spectrum that is the testing strip.  Let me lay it out for you...
reading an opk, ovulation test, ovulation test funny, how to read an ovulation test







You also can't provide too much of a sample as it will null the test.  Or if you get a dud tester you have to wait another 4 hours.







Women have, typically, a 24 hour window for when an egg is released and able to be fertilized.  So you have to test and test as you patiently wait for the quasi-matching lines to appear- sometimes asking complete strangers their opinion while showing them a poorly lit picture you took on your iPhone. (Not me, specifically, but I've heard).  As soon as we get a positive, we'll call the clinic (must be before noon so the sperm can defrost.... I will never be able to defrost chicken the same again) and go in the next morning for insemination.  Not only will we have a short amount of time, but so will the sperm.  Fresh sperm (ew) can live in a woman's body for up to 5 days.  Frozen sperm only has 2 days, max.  I really hope someone reading this right now wins final Jeopardy with the above facts because that would make my damn day.  The one advantage we do get is that we are doing IUI so the donation is placed directly into the uterus (or my Bea-uterus- thank you Brian D. aka future manny) so it "bypasses getting stuck on Storrow and just takes the Pike" (Mass-holes get it).  I can only describe this process as such:

1 comment:

  1. I hate those damn OPKs- go for the Clearblue w/ the Smiley faces... beleive me your brain will thank you!!

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