Things I've Learned About Myself Since Becoming a Mom

(Words and gifs by Kate)

Meg and I both say that we never imagined having kids until we met the person we wanted to have a kid with.  I mean, we all say we want to grow up meet someone and have a family, but, much like the greasy piece of pizza I just ate before a 4 hour meeting in a hot room, I don't always think things through.  We all know how the first six weeks of motherhood slapped us in the face like a scorned lover on Jerry Springer.  But there are many things that have happened since then that have taught me things about myself.

Here's a couple of things I've learned in the 6 months since we had the Bean. (NOTE: She is the light of my life, but 90% of parents reading this will probably give the unity fist on these):

1. I really like doing absolutely nothing. 
Seriously.  I could dick around on the internet like a pro. Power watching Food Network on the brightest of spring days used to be my jam. Post-Bean, the closest I get to doing absolutely nothing is going to the bathroom at work.





2. I have no idea what is going on.
I now get what my mom meant when she said she has a huge gaping hole in her memory of any
popular song/tv show/movie from the 80s.  She had 2 kids, worked full time and took care of her parents.  I'm not quite as bad because smart phones exist, but frankly, I get most of my news from Buzzfeed... so look forward to riveting conversations with me.


3. Unmedicated, I am a horrible sleeper.
Before I had the baby I would pop benedryl like tic-tacs to sleep, but when you're a parent of an infant you are "on" all the time whether you like it or not.  Meg and I split the night as to who is on duty, but that doesn't mean we don't hear phantom baby cries that turn out to be the screech owl who has decided to camp out next to our bedroom window.  Then I lay in bed wide awake listening with the intensity of trying to hear the grass grow.  Why?  She's asleep.  I can see it on the monitor.  Then I think, "When did we wash the crib sheets last?  Did I prep enough bottles for daycare?  We should get a bottle of wine for the cat sitter.  Was that her crying?  No, that

What a baby's cry feels like when
it wakes you from a deep sleep.

was the cat singing the song of his people.  I wonder what happened to Cat Stevens."

The exact moment, while feeding her,
that I regretted teaching her to blow
raspberries.

4.  Everything in my life is based on the Bean.




When we eat, when we sleep.  Dinner with the friends?  Sure! Oh wait, they want to eat at 8.  Do I have a clean shirt to wear?  No, we experimented with mixed veggie puree last night.

"Oh we're just going for a 20 minute walk"

Also, leaving the house and doing something has never been more complicated.  After we pack up Ella's compound of necessities, filling the backseat of an SUV after perfectly timing a feeding and a nap, we are ready.  For a 2 hour outing down the street.








But after you accept the fact you will watch "Game of Thrones" when she goes to college.  You will always be about a week to a month behind on any pop culture.  And as you sit in the bathroom stall at work negotiating your "standards" of hygiene contemplating leaning against the toilet paper rolls to take a power nap you'll think of this image from 4am.  And you'll get your ass up and check out Pinterest for "must haves for camping with a 6 month old". <Really happening this weekend- that post to come soon